The Light at the End of the Tunnel
by Toni-Marie Cullen
Summary: A nightmare for Bella becomes reality. Having a major crush and unexplainable pull to her, Edward leads her the right way, not only healing her but also loving her, protecting her and helping her see the light at the end of the tunnel.
1. From The Beginning

_4 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18._

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_Chapter One_

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~Edward Cullen~

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I parked in a space outside the bar. I was fortunately lucky enough to get one next to Rosalie's BMW and Alice's Porsche. The bar was the local hangout for the college students to go; it was the best around that provided hot wings, music and cheap beer. This meant, however, that it was normally full of desperate college boys that were looking to get some ass and girls that were definitely willing to give it.

My brother, Emmett and I were brought up to treat women with respect and loyalty. My father always said, 'you should always treat a lady like a princess, just out of respect. Even if they don't carry any respect for themselves.' That was kind of hard advice to follow when there are girls walking around with no decency. The only exceptions were our mother and my sister, Alice. I know what you are probably thinking... What a sleazy bar! But like I said, it has cheep beer.

Emmett had gotten lucky and found himself someone special, Rosalie. Me? No chance! This meant I got the sluts hanging of off my arm, begging to get in my pants. Even Alice got her chance the day the Cullen's met the Hale's. Who would have thought Rosalie's brother, Jasper, would have been 'the one' for Alice? They locked eyes across the room and have practically stayed that way ever since. I'm not bitter, just disappointed and impatient. It got worse when two years later, Rosalie and Jasper moved into the house our parents brought for a graduation present when we moved from Chicago. I didn't hate having the Hale siblings with us but it meant I was constantly around couples.

I have never found anyone who was worth my time and heart. Except maybe Bella Swan. She is a regular at the coffee shop 'Teacakes' I go to and she is the most beautiful person, inside and out. She looks like an angel but every time she shoots me a smile I feel my body connect with my typical male hormones. Definitely not gentlemanly in the presence of a lady. We have spoken a couple of times and I have seen her out and about but never made my move. Until recently, she had a boyfriend. Now, I've had my share of women but none of them were Bella Swan.

I remember her telling me about their break up earlier in the week and I thought it would give me a chance to maybe ask her out.

_I walked through the door and noticed it was a busy day today. I looked around for a somewhere to sit considering my usual spot was taken. I scanned the room and my eyes landed on Bella's. I gave her a grin which she returned hesitantly. I frowned thinking that wasn't the normal response I got from Bella. In the past it was a captivating and stunning smile that showed her pearly white teeth. I got my regular order before I made my way over to her._

_"Hey, are you okay? You don't look very happy?" I wanted to make sure everything was alright before I jumped into conversation. To be honest, she didn't look in the mood for one._

_"Yeah, I'm okay I guess. Just some stuff on my mind, nothing to worry about." She gave a tight lipped smile and I instantly saw through her lie. I raised my eyebrows. She signed dejectedly when she realized I wasn't going to let this go._

_"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be nosy. But if you want to talk, know that I am here, even if you just need a friendly smile." I gave her a big grin to prove my point. She giggled in response which made my smile grow impossibly larger. I loved hearing that sound.  
_

_"No its okay. You know how I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, Jacob? Well I decided to visit him over the weekend as a surprise. However, the surprise was on me when walking into his house I find him screwing my best friend, Leah, from high school. Right there on the couch, didn't even make it to the bedroom." I grimaced. In a way I wish I had never of asked._

_"Ouch, are you okay? That must suck." I asked pathetically._

_"Yeah I'm fine, honestly. I think I was only with him out of convenience. I mean, my dad and his dad are best friends and they kind of had dreams that we would get married, have kids and grow old together you know? It didn't really seem right with Jacob, he was more of a brother to me." She explained. That's most likely why she didn't look as heartbroken as normal people would in this situation._

_"Why didn't you leave him before then?" I asked curiously._

_She gave a little shrug, "I hate disappointing people, especially my father."_

_"Well, believe me when I say he was a fool to let you go. And I'm glad you weren't more attached to him so you aren't more hurt about it all." I bravely said._

_She gave a quiet "me too," while looking at me gratefully. I was about to ask her out for dinner that night but my phone rang. I looked down and saw it was Esme. I couldn't really ignore it._

_"I have to take this, I'm really sorry." I said sincerely._

_"That's okay; I have to get going anyway. Thanks Edward," she smiled at me as she made her way out of the shop, not giving me the opportunity to reply. My mother had the worse timing._

Thinking back, I was glad I didn't get the option to ask Bella out. I knew I liked Bella, perhaps more than a friend and despite how close she was to Jacob, she still loved him. I definitely didn't want to be a rebound. It would have been wrong to ask her on a date the day after they broke off. But as my mum always says 'if it's meant to be, it will be. No point messing with fate.'

Emmett knocked on my window and did a 'come on' motion with his hands. He was a big guy and most people who didn't know him knew not to mess with him or his friends. To his family though, he was a big softy. A giant teddy bear with short, curly, brown hair and grey eyes. They just emitted kindness, as well as Alice's.

He was getting impatient; they had already been waiting a couple of minutes for me as I had work late. I usually did a couple of hours at the hospital doing basic office work when needed. It was some extra cash that I didn't really need but would look great for med school.

I rolled my eyes at him in true Edward fashion and opened my door.

I caught him off guard and got him in the shin. He bent down to grab it while shooting me a dirty look.

"What the hell was that for?" He moaned. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"I didn't realize you were so close. You really should grow some patients." I replied.

"But I'm hungry," he whined. He was seriously like a 5 year old kid. Rosalie came up to us and rolled her eyes. She gave me a small hug and started pulling Emmett away.

"Come on Em, let's go get them wings you like so much," It was like she was talking to a child rather than a 23 year old man. It was actually quite amusing, especially seeing Alice and Jasper standing by the entrance trying to hold in their laughter. I tried not to stare at them as I knew I would lose it.

"Ohh, what about the garlic bread?" He asked bouncing up and down.

"And the garlic bread," She agreed. He let out a girlish scream that surprised us all and ran inside the bar. We all just stood there for a moment before we doubled over in laughter.

"Well, I have always wanted kids." Rosalie said before she followed the man.

As I walked past Alice I gave her a big hug. Even though she was my sister, we didn't argue like most siblings. I loved her pixie little ass at 4ft11, she was my best friend. She was the total opposite to me with short, jet black spiky hair and the same grey eyes as Emmett. I, however, had inherited my mother's green eyes. There was nothing special about them. I had also got her unique colored hair that I have never found a name for. It was usually displayed in an unruly fashion and untamable.

I also gave Jasper a man hug. He became my best friend once he started dating Alice and he had passed the big brother test. He was just like his sister and there was no mistaking they were related. Both had bright blue eyes and wavy blonde hair, Rosalie's long while Jaspers resting just below his ears.

I followed them into the bar and went to our regular table. I noticed that Emmett had already got the first order of wings and beer for tonight.

"Jeez Em, don't waste any time. They may run out of wings if you don't get them fast enough," Jasper said with a chuckle. Emmett's eyes widened at the realization. He had obviously missed the sarcasm.

"He was joking dude." I assured him. However, he still had the look on his face.

"No, he's right. I gotta get em before the others do." He quickly sprinted of to find a waitress.

While he was gone, we all filled our glasses with beer and started up conversation. I asked the girls about their day as mine wasn't at all interesting. Once Alice started talking about her recent shopping trip, I zoned out. I started looking around the club and noticed Bella sitting with her friends across the dance floor.

She looked beautiful with her head thrown back in laughter. It was good to see her relaxed and having fun after a break up. I was thinking of getting up to ask her to dance when I heard it.

"Hi Edward!" I groaned and looked at the others for help. They were just sitting there with amused faces. I hadn't noticed Emmett had returned. I guess Bella caught my attention more than I realized. However that voice definitely brought me out of my daydreams. I turned to my left and saw Jessica Stanley.

I smiled at her politely and gave her a quiet "Hi." I had hoped that would be the end of the conversation but instead it gave her the confidence to continue.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in ages. I've miss you." She ran her finger down my arm and I had to fight the instinct to cringe away. Jessica wasn't overly ugly, she was just desperate. Her normal attire was a short skirt and a low cut top with a pair of death traps attached to her feet. Nothing was different about her tonight; it was same old Jessica Stanley.

"Erm...I'm fine thanks. I've been around, you know." I decided not to ask her questions in return hoping to end the conversation as quick as possible.

"Cool, me too. By the way, you look so cute in them jeans. You could totes be a Calvin Klein model. I'm willing to give some advice if you want to model privately some time." She said in an attempt to be sexy. I looked over again for help to the others and they were practically on the floor. Some friend they were, I thought with a scowl.

I skimmed the room looking for an escape. My eyes were instantly drawn to Bella's dancing figure. Some guy was dancing behind her, whispering in her ear. I started to get jealous before I noticed she looked slightly sick and a little wary. She tried pushing they man away but he continued to grind into her. At that moment, she looked at me and gave me a pleading look. I couldn't deny her anything.

"Excuse me Jess," I said, interrupting what she was just saying. I stood from my seat and stalked toward Bella. I recognized relief spread over her face, turning into shock as I pulled her to me and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey baby, sorry I took so long, the queue went on for miles. Why don't you introduce me to your friend?" I simultaneously wrapped my arm around Bella and glared at the blonde bloke. He had a look on his face that I couldn't place before he glared right back, offering his hand.

"I'm James, I was just asking this beauty to dance," he said nodding to Bella with a smile. For some reason, I felt my anger spike. By this point I knew Emmett and Jasper were close by.

"That's nice of you but completely unnecessary. I'll be taking care of my girls needs tonight." I said in a calm but warning tone. Bella tightened her grip on me.

He smirked at me, "She wasn't complaining before. Besides, I think she needs a real man to take care of her needs, don't you sexy?" He asked looking at Bella.

I passed Bella to Jasper who was next to me, not wanting her to get hurt.

"You won't fucking touch her, I will make you regret it if you do." I said in a low, dangerous voice. He looked unfazed by my threat but that weird expression came onto his face,

He didn't answer before he pulled his fist back and punched me right on my jaw. I lost my footing a bit and stumbled, not expecting the blow. I charged at him and landed a blow to his nose. I heard the resounding crack of his bone breaking and it gave me satisfaction.

I could hear Bella shouting my name in the background as we rolled around each other. I was paying attention to no-one but him. How dare he touch her like he did? How dare he even think of her that way? There was no way I was going to let any of that happen in the future. He would have to kill me first.

I felt a small buzz on my shoulder which fazed me for a second. However, it was long enough for James to turn us over so he was straddling me and give a good hit in the ribs.

"I have to get her and no-one has a choice in the matter." He growled in my ear, it was quiet enough so no-one else would hear. It fuelled my anger and I pushed against him. He fell onto his back with a look of surprise crossing his face. I started hitting every piece of skin I could while he tried to protect himself.

I got me a couple of heavy blows before I was pulled away from him by Jasper. He was whispering soothing words into my ear to calm me down. Emmett stood in front of me facing James, who was scrambling to his feet. He had blood all over his face and you could see bruises already forming. He had a crooked nose from my first hit which made me smirk in satisfaction.

"Leave now, before you make it worse for yourself." Emmett warned, glaring at him. James took one look at him and noticed he wasn't to be messed with. He was huge. He shot me another look before he disappeared through the crowd. Emmett turned on me.

"What the hell Edward? You were so stupid starting a fight in here. You were lucky you weren't kicked out! And that Bella wasn't seriously hurt; otherwise I would have done some damage to your ass myself." He said. Wait, he said Bella wasn't seriously hurt...

My head snapped to our table where Bella was sitting holding ice to her wrist. I zoomed across to her and asked what happened even though I think I already knew.

"I was pushed and fell on it. Don't worry about it, I was stupid for thinking a little girl like me could break up a fight." I instantly felt guilty and told her how sorry I was.

"It's fine Edward. I really should be thanking you; you saved my ass out there. I guess I owe you, any ideas?" She asked with that smile I loved so much.

"I might have some idea." I said coyly. She giggled but cut it short. Something wasn't right, I knew something was off.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing." She tried to give me a reassuring smile. "Actually, I think I'm going to go. My wrist is starting to hurt." I knew there was more to it but didn't push it. I was disappointed she was leaving so early but I only had myself to blame.

"Ok, do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, I'll be fine." I nodded reluctantly, not really feeling comfortable letting her leave by herself.

"Do you mind giving one of us a call once you make it in, just so we don't worry?" She nodded her agreement and quickly said her goodbyes.

It was my fault. I can never control my temper enough. I seriously lack self control and look what's happened. Bella practically ran away from here and I wouldn't be surprised if it's because of my reaction. I looked like some insanely jealous boyfriend. I knew I needed to apologize, God knows what Bella must think of me.

"I can see that look on you face and you need to stop that thought right there." Alice mumbled, leaning over to me.

"Do you blame me Alice? Bella just legged it out of here because of me. I pushed things too far once again." I snapped. I felt guilty for taking my anger out on Alice but couldn't help it, it had to go somewhere.

"It wasn't because of you Edward. Think about it, she had some creep grinding up against her, then she saw one of her friends get his ass kicked and to top it off she got tossed to the other side of the dance floor. She was just a bit shaken up; I would be too in that situation. She will be fine." She explained. Thinking her words over made me feel slightly better but I could still feel the guilt simmering under the surface.

"That may be so but I still need to say sorry. She didn't deserve for me to go off like that. It was practically my fault she got hurt." I knew Alice didn't agree with that last sentence but didn't comment on it. She couldn't say anything that would make me think any differently.

An hour later and I still wasn't having any fun. The others were pretty buzzed and were on and off the dance floor. I just stayed in the same seat, only leaving once for the bathroom. I was twirling my phone on the table in front of me, willing it to ring or make any noise to indicate Bella was home safely. But it didn't, and my tension just grew.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I had a nagging feeling at the pit of my stomach telling me something wasn't right. I walked over to Emmett, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going now. It's late."

"Come on, it isn't that late."

"It is for me and I'm worried. Bella hasn't called or texted or nothing. I'm going to check out her apartment on my way through, just to make sure she's okay." He furrowed his eyebrows at this news.

"Yeah, okay. I will come too." He rounded Rosalie, Jasper and Alice up and told them what was happening. We all said our goodbyes to Angela, Ben and Ashley. I hadn't really spoken to them before tonight but you could tell how much they cared for Bella. In my books, that made them decent people.

We made our way outside and I instantly turned left rather than heading in the direction of the car. Alice and Rose instantly started complaining that their feet were hurting. There was no way I was driving home myself or letting the others with the amount of alcohol we had in our systems. I would rather their feet hurt then all of us end up dead.

We were walking past an alley that was just to the left of the bar. I heard a little noise coming from inside. It sounded like a whimper. I stopped in my place and the others overtook me as I looked down the alley. It was pitch black and couldn't see a thing.

"Ed, come on. The girls are moaning." Emmett shouted. I was about to continue walking, putting the whimpering down to hearing things, when I heard it again.

"What was that?" asked Alice. Okay, so I wasn't hearing things, she did too. I ignored her questions and started to walk further into the entrance. Luckily, my eyes started to adjust to the lack of lighting and Alice lit her phone up behind me. She was the only one that followed.

I kept hearing the noise more and more. I walked in the direction, worried at what I may find. Up against the building wall was a dumpster. The noise seemed to be coming from next to it. I peered in that direction but only noticed rubbish. I started pulling damp cardboard boxes away from the pile to see it I could find anything. As I looked down, I saw a hand. My heart seemed to pound harder in my chest, I was pretty sure it was going to burst from my body soon.

I stretched my hand out to grab the blanket that the arm disappeared under. I felt the scratchy wet touch on it on my fingertips and got hold of a handful. I quickly yanked it off, scared of what we were going to find. I could tell Alice wasn't in a better state than me as I could feel her fingernails digging into my forearms.

I felt the air leave me chest when I looked at the site in front of me. This couldn't be happening. There is no way it's her. The site in front of me was now permanently etched into my mind with no hope of erasing it. Denial shot through me. I couldn't believe it, it wasn't possible. But as Alice shone her phone light in the direction of the noises I felt all hope leave my body. Her gasp behind me just confirmed it even more.

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_Reviews will be appreciated. Updates should be regular. 8 chapters written already :)_


	2. The Other Side

_5 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.  


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Chapter Two

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_

~Bella Swan~

"Jacob, please. Leave it now, were done." I said for the umpteenth time. Jacob had called once again to apologise. I appreciated it, really but it was getting old. He thinks that by saying sorry I would welcome him back with loving arms and straight back into my bed. _Dream on buddy._

"Bella I know you love me, why can't you just forget what happened and move on? I don't want Leah; it's you who I'm begging for forgiveness from."

"Jake, I _have_ forgiven but that doesn't mean I forget. You seriously hurt me and I know I can't trust you. What kind of relationship would we have? It's ridiculous to even try." I explained. I was trying to be polite and not hurt his feelings but I was starting to lose it.

"That's bull, Bella. I bet it's because of that Cullen boy. Your fucking him aren't you? And you blame me for cheating? How long has it been going on, huh?" Here we go again. Ever since I mentioned meeting Edward Cullen in 'Teacakes' Jake has been the typical jealous and overprotective boyfriend, but he just took it way too far. I was seeing red.

"Would you shut the fuck up Jacob? You have no idea what you are talking about. I'm once again going to tell you that nothing has happened between me and Edward. Get that through you head Jackass!" Okay, so the truth was nothing was going on between Edward and I, but that didn't mean I didn't want there to be.

"Fine Bella, whatever. I still want you back, we were perfect together," he was practically begging now. I had to break things up; I was going to hurt his feeling.

"I don't want you Jacob. I never really have, we weren't perfect. We were...convenient. I never felt the same way, I only agreed to everything to please everyone else. They were expecting it. I'm sorry to say this Jacob but it's the truth, and I think deep down you know it too." I would have felt quite guilty if he hadn't fucked one of my best friends.

"Fuck Bella, you're talking a load of bull shit and you know it. You will want me back and who knows if I'm even going to want you to come running." With that, he hung up the phone. _Rude bastard_.

I signed in defeat and put my phone down. It was a shame really. Jacob and I were like best friends before we started dating and I completely regret it. This whole ordeal was scaring me. I knew that once it was over we would lose everything between us. I actually felt a little guilty. Not because it was my fault we broke up, that was all on Jake, but because I agreed to get together against my better judgement. If I hadn't said yes I would have just hung up after a pleasant conversation with my best friend.

I shouldn't feel guilty, it definitely wasn't my fault. Jacob says he wants me but he has a funny way of showing it. It's true when they say actions speak louder than words. Him going and fucking the nearest pussy was proof that he wasn't ready for this type of commitment and he definitely wasn't what I needed. He blamed it on the long distance and I have to agree it wasn't ideal. But I didn't go and get me some from another guy. Believe me, I wanted to. And that guy being in the form of Edward Cullen.

He is sex on legs. He doesn't show that fact off though. He has all the girls falling for him but he doesn't seem to pay attention. Any normal guy would have taken advantage of that fact, but not Edward. He was a gentleman. His looks say otherwise, however with that panty dropping smile and crazy sex hair you just want to run your fingers through. Don't even get me started on his body. You can see through his Polo's that he has rock hard abs and every time I see him I just want to run my tongue along each and every one of them. He is my own personal Adonis. And he doesn't know it. I remember the first time I met him two years ago, he basically made me into a stuttering mess.

_I walked into the nearly full coffee shop. I had gotten lost after one of my lessons and had to stop to ask for direction. This, however, caused more problems. I wasn't so good at remembering directions. So I had arrived minutes before the professor. This carried on for the majority of the day and by the end of it, I was in serious need of a break. Even though the shop was pretty full I still saw some empty tables at the back. They were perfect. I hated attention. I quickly grabbed a coffee and made my way over._

_I started to walk towards a seat when my foot got caught on a bag that was on the floor next to me. Typical Bella, I had almost made it unscathed. I started to fall and braced myself for the hard impact._

_I was expecting a cold rock hard floor that would no doubt leave me with multiple bruises. What I didn't expect, however, was my personal Adonis. _

_"Woah there, you okay?" I looked up into the brightest green eyes I had ever seen. They were beautiful. They were full of wonder and concern. I scanned his body and smiled in appreciation. I noticed straightaway the unruly bronze sex hair and washboard abs. My eyes reached his face again and I noticed the bright green eyes that sparkled with amusement, it matched the panty dropping smile he had plastered on his face. He caught me checking him out._

_"See something you like?" he asked with a smirk. What do I say back to that? I knew I probably had wide eyes at the moment and a red tomato face. I decided to match his smirk._

_"Yes actually, I do." I replied, scanning his body once again. Now it was his turn to look shocked, but he quickly composed himself with a smile._

_"Ditto." I raised my eyebrows. He just laughed at my expression._

_"I'm Edward Cullen." He stuck his hand out. I gave him a smile and took his hand._

_"Bella Swan." When our hands joint, I felt a weird tingling sensation shoot up my arm. It seemed to shoot straight from the tips of my fingers to the top of my toes. It was weird, yes, but not unpleasant. I looked at Edward and noticed he had a curious look on his face, looking down at his hand._

_"So where you sitting, beautiful?" he asked. No-one had called me beautiful before, not even my long-term boyfriend. I started walking to the seat again and he followed. He took the seat next to mine, sharing the same table and I turned to him._

_"Why did you just call me beautiful?" I enquired. I knew that 'Bella' meant 'beautiful' in Italian but it was still unexpected._

_"Because that's what you are. Would you rather something else like Swan or Queen Clumsy?" he asked, trying to hide a smile. I narrowed my eyes at him playfully, even though he got it dead on._

_"Shut up Cullen! It wasn't my fault, someone left their bag in my way." I defended. He just laughed._

_"Okay Swan, you were lucky I was there to save you. You could have caused some real damage." He was still laughing at me._

_"I'm fine, thank you very much," I assured him even though I was trying to keep the smile of off my face._

_"Of course you are, thanks to you new knight in shining armor." I decided to play along._

_"Oh why thank you kind sir, whatever could I do to repay you?" I said batting my eyelashes._

_"I'm sure we can think of something," he smirked. I rolled my eyes at his blatant flirting, choosing to ignore it. Boyfriend, remember?_

_"So, what are you hoping to do when you leave college?" he asked._

_"Maybe a book editor. English has always interested me and I love reading but I haven't fully decided yet. What about you?"_

_"A doctor. I love kids so I'm hoping to become a paediatrician. My father is a doctor as well, so I guess I'm following in his footsteps a little." _

_"What does your mom do?" I enquired. I like this Edward Cullen._

_"She's an interior designer, she has her own business." A look of devotion took over his face. He clearly cared about his parents. You could tell by the way he spoke about them._

_"So what's your story?" he asked, redirecting his attention to me._

_"My parents divorced when I was little. I moved to Arizona with my mom. She re-married when I was 15 so I decided to go live with my father. My mom was always more of my best friend than a mother. I love her to bits but she's...free-spirited. My father is quiet, he doesn't show emotion well. He is the chief of police in the town he lives in." I explained. I felt like I was on a date. _

_"Chief of police, huh? Should I be worried?" he said half-jokingly. I should have said he should be more worried about my boyfriend, but I didn't._

_"Depends on what you do to his little princess." I said coyly. Why the hell am I flirting? I have a boyfriend!_

_"Then I should definitely be worried," he smirked. And just like that I was a goner._

Some things have changed in the past two years. One, I'm not such a klutz anymore. I decided to take up yoga and spent a lot of time at the gym. It all improved my balance and in the end, reduced my daily embarrassment. Two, Edward found out about Jacob. After I mentioned Edward to Jake he didn't take it too well, asking if I told him about having a boyfriend. When I explained that it didn't come up he insisted that I felt more for Edward. Truthfully, I did but because of Jacob, I had to change that. I casually slipped that I had a boyfriend to Edward during one of our many conversations.

As it was Friday, I was meeting up with everyone. I had the bestest friends that helped me get over Jacob. I had known Angela since high school and she hated Jacob, they never got along and I never knew why. They just never clicked. Angela was a bit like me but taller. We had the same dark hair but hers was straight while mine had a natural wave to it. Instead of boring brown eyes like mine, she had beautiful hazel eyes. I was also good friends with her boyfriend Ben. He was a good looking guy, just not my type. He was tall and skinny with short brown hair that he kept styled. My other best friend was Ashley. She had crazy curly blonde hair and a curvy body. If I swung that way I would definitely do her. It was all topped off by her sparkling blue eyes.

I walked into my bedroom to find something to wear. I had decided to move out of the college dorms after my first year, there wasn't enough space and I hated my roommate. I lived on my own now, my hefty trust fund takes care of my rent and bills so I am able to afford it. My bathroom was my favorite room, it was huge. My closet came in close second.

I started looking for something to wear and decided on a cream skirt, blank tank top and black high heels. I also picked out a pleated leather bag and some bangles. I set it all out on my bed and made my way into the bathroom to get ready.

An hour later, I was walking to the bar. I had decided not to drive in case I decided to drink. When I got there, I looked around for the others. They had a table and the pitcher of beer already placed on the table. I walked over to them, my eyes planted on the alcohol.

"Hey guys," I said. They all said there 'hello's' back and I took a seat next to Ashley.

"Jeez Bells, you clean up good," She said, looking me up and down.

"Not too bad yourself missy," I appraised her also and noticed she was wearing a blue mini dress.

"Here you go Bella," Angela poured me a drink and passed it over. I smiled at her gratefully and took a gulp.

"I needed this after today." I said.

"Why, what happened?" Ben asked looking concerned.

"One word...Jacob." Understanding passed over all their faces.

"Jackass," mumbled Angela. It always shocked me when she swore, it wasn't often. We all laughed at her comment. It pretty much summed it up.

I looked around the room and saw the dance floor pretty full. My eyes continued to skim the bar and they landed on a table next to it. I noticed Rosalie, one of Edward's friends. They were all sitting there, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and of course Edward. I had met all of them before and got along with them. They always seemed to be at the bar whenever I was. My eyes landed on Edward's form and I noticed he had Jessica Stanley hanging of his arm. I hated that girl. She was such a skank. He was smiling at her and looked like he was enjoying himself. _He could seriously do better._ I felt a surge of jealousy go through me. I wanted it to be me who was basically sitting on his lap. I couldn't believe I was thinking like this, I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship.

"I'm going to dance," I said to the other. I needed to get rid of this jealousy, he wasn't mine.

"Ohh yay," Ashley said, clapping her hands enthusiastically. Both, her and Angela got up with me.

We walked through the crowd of people, trying to find a suitable place to dance. It was packed. We found a gap that kept us in line with our table so we could still see it.

Rhianna's, Rude Boy came on and we started moving to the music. I started to lose myself to the sounds and enjoy myself. I didn't have to worry about things here. My mind was clear of everything, no school, no parents and definitely no Jacob. After a while Ashley started dancing with some guy who she had been eying. If I knew my girl at all it meant somebody was getting lucky tonight. Even I admit he was good looking, but he was he was a typical frat boy. Ben decided to come over and take Angela away from the audience around us. I just laughed and carried on dancing.

I felt someone step up behind me. They put their hands on my hips and started dancing against my body. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Hi, I'm James." He sounded weird but started grinding into me. The tone of his voice sent shivers down my spine, and not in a good way. I tried to push him off but I couldn't, his grip just tightened. It made me uncomfortable and I scanned the room for someone who could help. My eyes locked with Edward's green ones and I silently begged him for help. He got up out of his seat, shaking Jessica of him in the process and started across the dance floor. I signed with relief as he made his way to me. However, that relief turned to shock when he pulled me to him and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Hey baby, sorry I took so long, the queue went on for miles. Why don't you introduce me to your friend?" he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. I copied his movement and instantly felt safe. A tingle shot through me when he called me 'baby.'

"I'm James, I was just asking this beauty to dance," James said, I cringed. He wasn't ugly, pretty average with long blonde curly hair, but something about him creeped me out. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"That's nice of you but completely unnecessary. I'll be taking care of my girls needs tonight." He said calmly, inside I was anything but calm. I liked the way he said 'my girl' so I tightened my grip on him. I could tell things were getting heated and was glad Emmett and Jasper were close behind.

"She wasn't complaining before. Besides, I think she needs a real man to take care of her needs, don't you sexy?" James said looking at me. Before I had the chance to answer Edward passed me to Jasper. _This was getting bad._ Jasper asked if I was okay and I assured him I was.

Edward said something to James that I couldn't catch but I could tell it wasn't anything nice. The look on his face told me that much. He looked dangerous and if we weren't in this situation I may have even been a little turned on.

James didn't give an answer before he drew his fist back and hit Edward on the jaw. My hands flew to my mouth as Edward charged at James.

"Edward! Stop it!" I started shouting at him but he ignored me. They were rolling around and both were getting in hits. I didn't like this, it had gotten too out of hand. I couldn't understand why neither Jasper or Emmett were helping. They were both just standing there watching the whole thing play out in front of them. They were his friends, shouldn't they have his back? I walked forward towards them and placed a hand on Edwards shoulder before Jasper could hold me back any more.

As soon as I made contact with Edward his concentration dropped and James turned them over. In the process, I got knocked on the floor and landed on my wrist. Jasper was instantly by my side again.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, why haven't you stopped him? He can get hurt."

"He can handle himself Bella, he doesn't need our help." He replied.

I rolled my eyes at him, "I don't want you to help him fight, I want you to get them to stop." There must have been something in my expression to convince him because he called Alice and Rosalie over. They both helped me up of off the floor and I winced as I accidentally leaned on my wrist as I was trying to stand. As we were walking towards their table, I looked back and saw Jasper pull Edward of James. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I can't believe he got into a fight for me." I said looking at them both.

"I'm going to get you some ice," Alice basically skipped to the bar and started to talk to the guy behind it. She returned with ice wrapped in a towel.

"Please Bella, he couldn't take his eyes of you. He isn't going to let some dude hit on you if you don't want him to. It's obvious he doesn't want them to either." Said Rosalie with a smile. I raised my eyebrows in shock. Was she saying that Edward liked me? As more than a friend? If she was then I shouldn't really be surprise. I knew he thought I was beautiful but I honestly didn't think anything of it.

All of a sudden I felt like I wanted to cry. I think everything that had happened today was catching up with me. Between Jacob's phone call and Edward fighting for me I felt a little overwhelmed. My emotions were going haywire. Angela, Ashley and Ben all came over to the table to see how I was doing. I was getting sick of telling them I was fine, even though I wasn't.

"Bella! What happened?" Edward had come back to the table. You could see a bruise forming on his jaw. I felt guilty.

"I was pushed and fell on it," I said, gesturing to my injured wrist. "Don't worry about it, I was stupid for thinking a little girl like me could break up a fight." I felt so embarrassed, what was I thinking?

"Bella, I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have just made sure you were okay and stayed out of it. I just caused more trouble for you. I am so so sorry." He explained.

"It's fine Edward. I really should be thanking you; you saved my ass out there. I guess I owe you again, any ideas?" I asked with a smile. I was trying to break the tension that had formed.

"I might have some." He said coyly. He was so sexy. The overwhelming desire to cry returned. It didn't seem right to be laughing at this moment. I tried to play it off and gave Edward a smile. He didn't buy it. He was too perceptive for his own good.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He was concerned.

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing." I said. "Actually, I think I'm going to go. My wrist is starting to hurt." It wasn't a total lie but it wasn't the reason I was leaving. I needed to cry and there was no way I was going to do it here.

"Okay, do you want me to walk you home?" He was such a gentleman. I declined his offer and thought I saw disappointment flash through his eyes.

"Do you mind giving one of us a call once you make it in, just so we don't worry?" I agreed thinking that was the least I could do.

I quickly said thanks to him again and made my goodbyes to everyone else, I just wanted to get out.

As I walked into the cold Seattle air, I took a deep breath to control my breathing. I still couldn't cry, I had to get home first. I needed to be wrapped up on my bed with a big box of tissues and perhaps a tub of Ben and Jerry's. I felt like such an idiot. I don't even know why I wanted to cry. I turned to the left and started to walk in the direction of my apartment. There was quite a breeze out so I wrapped my coat around me tighter. I wished I had worn jeans now, I could feel the goose bumps forming on my legs.

I hadn't walked far before I was passing the opening of an alley. I felt like I was being watched. There was an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. All of a sudden I was grabbed by my arm. I let out a small squeak of surprise. It was a tight grip and even though I had my coat on I could still feel the pain. I couldn't see anything and the hand was still holding me, they weren't letting up. I didn't know what was happening and the panic was overwhelming.

The only thought that was running through my mind was how much a fool I was for saying no to Edward.

* * *

_Reviews make me smile. Thank you to all who reviewed chapter one._

_Toni-Marie Cullen x  
_


	3. Unexpected Underneath

_6 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.

* * *

_

_~Edward Cullen~_

The site in front of my eyes put me in shock. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. Alice started sobbing behind me and it brought me out of my stupor.

I turned back to Alice and grabbed a hold of her shoulders. She didn't register me there, her eyes being planted on Bella's heaped form on the cold alley floor.

"Alice!" No response.

"Alice, look at me sweetie. I know it's horrible but Bella needs our help right now. Come on, help us!" Her eyes shot to mine and they were filled with fear and concern. She nodded her head slowly but still didn't say anything. I didn't know if she was really in it but didn't have time to dwell on that fact. Time was passing and I could hear the others asking what was wrong at the alley entrance.

"Go to the others; phone 911 and tell them Bella Swan has been attacked, possibly raped. Tell Rosalie to come to me. Go!" I turned her body in the correct direction. She took one last look at Bella and quickly hurried out.

I looked back at Bella where she was silently whimpering. I knelt down next to her, wanting to help. I didn't know how to approach her, it worried me. I didn't want to scare her. That wouldn't help things at all.

It broke my heart to see her curled into a fetus position like she was. It was like she was protecting herself. Protecting herself from me, it seemed. Her body was shaking with either the cold or fear, perhaps both. Her body was barely covered. The clothes that she was wearing where ripped apart and weren't doing anything to keep her warm. I could see marks all over her body and didn't know whether to feel enraged or disgusted. Not by Bella but at the person who did this.

It was killing me to see her like this. But I knew my feelings were nothing compared to hers. I didn't matter at the moment, only she did. I didn't understand how a person could even think of violating another someone like this, especially a woman. Except at this moment, the person responsible for this wasn't a person at all. Not in my eyes anyway. They were just a piece of scum.

I quickly shrugged my jacket off and held it in my arms. I wanted to put it over her but thought it would make things worse. I hesitated a moment before I took a step closer to her. Her eyes shot open when she registered my approach. The big brown orbs that I loved so much didn't show their usual happiness and joy. Instead, they were filled with fear. That look halted my steps.

"Bella?" She whimpered in response. I tried again, "Bella, it's Edward Cullen. I don't want to scare you; I just wanted to put the jacket over you." I spoke carefully and barely above a whisper. When she didn't answer I took another hesitant step forwards. He eyes got impossibly wider and she cowered further into her ball. I felt my heart break a little bit more. I knew it was to be expected, but it still hurt.

A hand was placed on my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. I didn't expect it. I turned and found my eyes looking into Rosalie's blue ones. She gave me a sympathetic smile and put her hand out, gesturing to my jacket.

"Let me try," she said kindly. I reluctantly passed her my jacket and moved to the side to make room for her. She had the perfect mask on her face. It was blank, devoid of emotion. She knelt down beside me and looked over Bella. I saw her resolve break as a tear slid down her cheek. I knew this was hard for her, it was obvious to me. But Rosalie was never one to let others down. She was always there when you needed her. She cleared her throat quietly and her mask was back up.

"Bella? Honey? It's Rosalie. I'm just going to put this jacket over you, I know you're cold." She put it over Bella's body and she only flinched a little. Rosalie made sure not to make any body contact with hers. I hadn't realised I was holding my breath. I sucked in a lungful of air once I saw that she didn't refuse the coat. As Rosalie went to pull her hand away, Bella grabbed it.

I watched her actions. She just held tightly to Rosalie's hand, her knuckles turning white with her grip. Her eyes stayed locked with Rosalie's. It was as if she needed reassurance that someone was there to help her. Rosalie kept her hold on her hand while rubbing small circles to keep her calm. I could see it working, she was beginning to relax and her whimpers became quiet.

I could hear the sirens in the background and they were steadily getting closer. I breathed a sigh of relief, I needed to do something. I could hear the others in the background also. I looked towards the entrance of the alley and around a dumpster. I could see Alice's little form being held close to Jasper's lanky one. Emmett was standing close to them but was staring in our direction. I knew he couldn't see anything, but I could tell he was worried. I expect it was like déjà vu for him. That's what made Rosalie perfect help in this situation.

The ambulance pulled up by the others and the paramedics instantly went into action. I could tell they were all women so I was assuming Alice had warned them in advance. I was extremely grateful at that moment. I couldn't keep track of what was happening. One minute Bella was still on the floor curled in her own personal and protective shell and the next she was on the gurney being lifted into the back of the ambulance.

"Edward?" Rosalie had her hand on my shoulder again. I looked towards her knowing I had a blank look on my face that matched hers only minutes before. I hadn't spoken a word since she had taken over with the jacket. Her eyebrows were furrowed, she was worried about me. Her worry was misplaced. Bella needed our help now.

"Hmm?" I answered, turning my attention back to the ambulance. They were getting ready to leave.

"Do you want to go with them to the hospital?" I thought about it for a moment. I did want to go but I wasn't the best person. I was in shock and upset. I wouldn't be any help at the moment. Bella needed some time before any male was by her.

I shook my head at her, "No, it's okay. You go. I think you can help her the most. I will meet you there though, I promise." She nodded and walked towards the ambulance. As she climbed in, Alice came to stand next to me.

"Come on, let's follow them." I nodded and walked back towards the bar where the cars were parked.

* * *

I stood pacing in the waiting room. We had been here for a couple of hours now. We had all been questioned by the police and had to give statements. They were in with Bella at the moment and I was glad it was a female who was doing the questioning. There was no need to make things worse than they already were. I couldn't think of how hard it must be for Bella to have to talk about this whole ideal again. It was hard enough for me, let alone someone having to actually go through the experience. Alice had been full out sobbing in Jasper's arms while retelling her version of events and wouldn't let go of him.

My emotions were going haywire. They were all over the place and the only way to have any sort of control over them was to continue pacing the waiting room. I was worried, scared, feeling guilty and relieved. Worried that this may affect Bella in more ways than just physical. How could someone bounce back from something like this? I knew it was possible, I had seen it first hand but I didn't understand what anyone in this position could possibly be thinking. I was scared because of the fact it actually happened, it could have been anyone and the person who did this was still out there, perhaps pursuing their next target. Relief because I was happy that nothing more serious had happened to Bella, at least she was alive. I mean some victims are left to die after being raped, I couldn't even imagine Bella being in that situation.

And last but not least, guilty. I should have insisted on taking her home rather than letting her walk on her own. It was probably the most stupid idea I have had to date. I couldn't believe I gave in so easily. I'm not usually such a pushover and the one and only time I let my guard down something like this happens. There was no way I should have taken no as an answer. It was the wrong one. And look at the results we had stumbled upon.

"Edward, we're going to go. It's really late. Are you coming?" It was Emmett.

"No, I'm going to wait for dad. Perhaps check on Bella if he thinks it will be okay." He nodded in agreement. I gave both him and Jasper a man hug while giving Rosalie and Alice a kiss on the cheek each.

"I know what you're thinking Edward and it is not your fault." Rosalie whispered in my ear. As she pulled away, she gave me a pointed look like she knew what was going through my brain. _How does she do that? _Emmett grabbed her hand and the four of them walked out the door after I promised to call with news.

I continued to pace. Time seemed to slow down. Every time I looked at the clock it seemed only minutes had gone by when I swore it was hours. Each time the double doors opened my head shot in that direction hoping to see a head of blond hair belonging to my father. About the third time it happened, the cop who had interviewed me came out. That meant she had finished with Bella. I had hoped everything had gone okay. She gave me a small smile as she passed me and it made me feel a little better and made my worry lessened.

2.13 am.

2.21 am.

2.34 am.

_God damnit! What's taking so long?_

Minutes rather than hours. I was going mad just waiting. I knew that nothing serious was wrong otherwise my father would have _warned_ me before now. I could feel a headache beginning to form. All this stress and worry was starting to get to me. I decided to take a seat and as soon as I did, the old lady next to me leaned over towards me.

"I'm glad you decided to sit down, you were making me dizzy," Her joke fell flat, I could only give a lame-ass smile in response.

"Who are you waiting to see, love?" She had a strong accent that I couldn't seem to place but it instantly calmed me and made me relax for the first time tonight.

"A friend of mine, she was...attacked earlier." I answered her question trying not to go into any detail. I didn't exactly want to blurt out to some random stranger that the girl I had a major crush on got raped when I could have done something to avoid it. It wasn't my choice to tell people anyway, it was Bella's. I chanced a look at the clock again.

2.52 am.

_Geez! Come on!_

"She must be a special friend for you to be worrying this much about her." I smiled and nodded in agreement.

"She is." I always wanted her to be more than a special friend. I mean, I would normally consider Alice and Rosalie special friends and I definitely didn't feel for them what I felt for Bella. That would be wrong on so many levels. I didn't realize I had a stupid smile on my face. Apparently the old lady did.

"Ahh, I see. You love her." She said matter-of-factly. My eyes grew wide at her comment and I'm sure my jaw hit the ground. I didn't register any of that though. All that was running through my head was the statement some total stranger just made. She chuckled at my look.

"Ohh no, no definitely not." I nervously chuckled. The old lady gave me the 'keep telling youself that' look. My head was starting to pound even more. _Information overload._

"Well if it's not love already then it definitely will be. You are falling in love with her. Don't fight me on this boy; I have a knack for these things." She winked at me. I continued to stare at her as I thought over what she said.

Did I love Bella? No, I would know if I did. Wouldn't I? There was no question that I was attracted to her and wanted to be more than friends but it wasn't love. Not yet anyway. Okay, so maybe this lady had a point. Maybe I was falling in love. But I wasn't there yet.

Before I had the chance to answer her, her name was called. Whoever she was waiting for was ready for her visit. She stood up and grabbed her coat, which she slung over her arm. With her other hand, she grabbed her walking stick and turned back to me.

"Good luck boy. Make sure you do the right thing. Tell her soon, don't waste time. You may not be ready to admit it but you will. Imagine if something worse had happened to her tonight and you didn't get the chance to tell her how you feel. How would you have felt then, huh? Time is limited; don't let it pass you by." And with that she walked through the double doors, following the nurse.

As she left I thought about her last words. I will be the first to admit that losing Bella would have broke my heart but I don't want to say something that I wasn't ready for. Neither of us was ready for them three little words. I mean, we weren't even dating. I had been calling her my friend all evening but to be truthful, we were probably more acquaintances. We had only had a couple of conversations here and there. Maybe one day I will love Bella, but I doubt there is a chance of her loving me back.

The double doors opened again and my father walked through. I breathed a sigh of relief. _About time._ I jumped out of my seat, putting the old lady's words at the back of my mind. I would mull over them later.

"Dad, how is she? Is she okay?" I asked quickly. His face that usually looked so youthful had stress lines and was showing his age. This had been troubling him.

"Physically? She's fine. She has some bruising and a couple of scratches but nothing major. She's sprained her wrist and she had some bruising in the shape of finger marks on the tops of her arms but overall she is doing well. That doesn't mean she won't be sore for a few days. Mentally, however? I'm not too sure. She seems to be in shock, hasn't really said more then she has needed to. We had to get her to take the morning after pill which caused her to have a minor breakdown but it wasn't anything to worry about. It was to be expected." His deep grey eyes showed so much remorse and sadness. My father had the most loving heart along with my mother. This was probably tearing him up as much as it was me while bringing bad memories up at the same time.

And then there was Bella. She had bruises the shape of finger marks. This enraged me. It was proof that some low life scum could actually do this to a person. It made me feel physically sick. I'm sure I was minutes away from darting to the bathroom and emptying the contents of my stomach into the nearest toilet. Add the fact she had to take the morning after pill and my emotions were even worse. But I couldn't think of me at the moment.

"Can I see her?" Carlisle had said she was fine but I wouldn't be satisfied until I saw her with my own eyes. He hesitated for a moment. "I promise, I will stay away from her so I don't panic her and if she tells me to leave then I will," I said sincerely. This seemed to appease him.

"Okay, but you have to do as she says. We called her father when she was brought in and he is on his way up here. He should get here in a couple of hours, in case she asks. He will probably want to talk to you as well, son." I nodded my head in agreement and followed him to Bella's room.

Once we got outside her door, he stopped with his hand on the door knob. "Promise me?" he demanded.

"I promise. I don't want to hurt her anymore than she already is." He nodded his head and opened the door wide enough for me to enter. It was dark in the room so it took a minute for my eyes to get use to the change of lighting. The door clicked shut echoing through the space.

My eyes were drawn to the hospital bed in the centre of the room. It was empty. No Bella where I expected her to be. I scanned the rest of the area and noticed her sitting on a chair in the corner by the window. Her legs were drawn up to her chest with one arm wrapped around them. Her other elbow is resting on her knees. She placed the side of her head in her hand looking out the window. I can see the tear stains on her cheeks from the moonlight flitting through the window. No matter how heartbroken she looked, she was still the most beautiful girl.

"Bella?" She had yet to realize that I was in the room. I stayed standing as still as a statue so I didn't startle her. I needed her to talk to me. I tried again.

"How are you feeling, beautiful?" Silence.

That tactic obviously wasn't working. I wanted to make her feel comfortable around me. I wanted to let her know that I won't hurt her and that I'm here for her. How do people usually become comfortable with each other?

_They get personal, get to know each other._

I guess it was worth a try. If it didn't work I could always try again tomorrow if she will let me.

"Pretty stupid question, huh? Sorry. Anyway, how about I tell you something about me? Maybe it will take your mind of off things. It works for me usually." Still no response. "Okay then. Umm...I remember when I had my first girlfriend. Her name was Louise and she was the most popular girl in school. I was 14 and she was the first real girl I had a crush on. Anyways, at this age I was total geek. Just ask Emmett and Alice. I had worse hair then than I do now and braces. I even wore glasses for a while. Top that off with my childhood puppy fat and the fact I wasn't athletic, meant I was the perfect dork. During that summer I shot up about a foot, lost my braces and most of the extra body weight. I started working out so I got me some muscles and became interested in playing football. When we went back to school, I had gained a couple of admirers. One of which was Louise Keller. She started showing me more attention than anyone else and seemed to like all the things I did. I thought I loved her and that we were perfect for each other.

"We went to a party one weekend and I went to get some drinks. Now, all my friends including Alice and Emmett hated Louise. I didn't understand why at the time. I kept saying it was jealousy. They just wanted the girl. They kept saying things like she's cheating on you and she only cares about your money but I just blew them off. I didn't believe a word of it. So anyway, at this party I was walking around looking for Louise. I walked outside and saw one of my friends by the fence with his back to me. I called out to him to ask if he had seen Louise but I seemed to have startled him. He quickly jumped out of the way and I saw who he had pinned to the fense. It was Louise. I knew what had happened. They both looked slightly dishevelled and had swollen lips. My friend looked guilty so it didn't take a genius to work it out.

"I practically ran out of there and all the way home. When I walked through the door and my mom saw me she knew something had happened. I actually started crying and nothing my mom could say would cheer me up. In the end, she started telling me stories about when she was younger and by the end of it I was crying from laughter and not because of a broken heart."

By the time I had stopped my rambling; Bella had moved to the bed and was watching me. I offered her a small smile. She gave me one in return. I asked if I could sit at the end of the bed and she nodded, watching my movements carefully.

"I like your hair," she whispered. I chuckled assuming she had made the comment in regards to my looks from my past. We feel into silence again. But it wasn't awkward, it was comfortable silence. She had stopped crying now and I was glad that my story telling had made her feel a little better.

"They made me take the morning after pill," her look was devastating. I didn't think about my actions and grabbed her hand slowly. I was surprised and happy when she didn't pull away from me.

"I know," I mumbled with a frown. She started crying then I couldn't do anything about it. She needed to let this out, it would help her. I just sat in my spot on her bed rubbing small circles over her hand, hoping that it was giving some kind of comfort to her just had Rosalie had done hours before.

Bella sat there sobbing for another 10 minutes and I didn't stray from my spot. It didn't matter how much I wanted to, it was what she wanted. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else other than here with her. I had promised Carlisle that I wouldn't do anything rash. Even without that promise I wouldn't have done anything. Eventually her cries died down and she looked back at me. I offered her another small smile.

"Do you know the worse part?" She continued on when I didn't answer her.

"I feel dirty. They let me have a shower but it did nothing. I can still feel his hands all over me. Every time I close my eyes all I can hear is his breathing in my ear and it scares the shit out of me. I start hyperventilating." The tears started again.

"I know beautiful. You may feel dirty but you aren't. There is nothing that I can say that will make this better. But know that I am here, day or night. Okay? Whether you want someone to talk to about everything or just need a distraction, I promise to be here." I said.

She nodded, "How can you call me beautiful? I'm anything but at the moment. I'm...tainted." I didn't know what would be the correct answer to that so I decided to be honest with her.

"Because it's the truth." And it was. Even now that she was in a hospital gown that practically drowned her and with damp hair tied back in a loose bun with tear streaks on her face she was still the most beautiful woman I have seen.

Carlisle walked in looking between us cautiously.

"How are things going in here?" I gave him a reassuring smile and looked back at Bella. She was already looking at me but had a blank look on her face.

"We're okay." I replied when I realized Bella wasn't going to answer.

"Good. Now Bella, You hit your head pretty hard so we want to keep you in overnight. We called your father and he should be here soon. I will be back to check on you in the morning." He gave her a smile and me a pointed look. I knew that it meant my time was up. I had to leave and it was the last thing I wanted to do but his expression told me there was no room for arguments. I nodded dejectedly and he walked out of the room.

I turned back to Bella. "I have to go now, remember what I said." I told her reluctantly. She nodded looking down at her lap.

"Will you come back?" She asked quietly.

"Only if you want me to. If you want me to stay away then I will." I had to do what she wanted me to do, no matter how much I hurt.

"No, I want you to come back." My heart soared at her words.

"Okay, then I promise to come back." I said as I stood up. I gave her hand one final gentle squeeze before letting go. I walked to the door and just before I opened it I heard her.

"Thank you, Edward." I inwardly smiled.

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow, beautiful." She nodded in response and I walked out the door but not out of her life.

* * *

_No words to describe how much reviews mean to me. Thank you to everyone, they mean the world._


	4. Reflective Reality

_7 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.

* * *

_

_Chapter Four

* * *

_

~Bella Swan~

* * *

_Why me?_

This was the constant question that was running through my head as I sat in this hospital room. Two words, one sentence but I still couldn't find a reasonable answer to it. I was going crazy.

_Why me?_

Normally, this is the most popular question people think when something goes bad in their lives. I always thought it was silly of them to think that and the answer was pretty obvious. I mean, it has to happen to someone, right? You just got unlucky. They should just accept the answer and try to move on with their lives. However, in this case it was me who got unlucky. But that didn't seem like a good enough explanation for me. Out of the billions of people in this world, _why me?_

But it wasn't only me who was being affected by everything. Every single person in my life was being hurt one way or another by all of this. I caused trouble everywhere I went. No matter when or how, it was my fault. It didn't matter if it was my parents' divorce or Jacobs' broken heart or my rape, it all landed on my conscience.

I'm bad. That's why it happened to me. I just keep causing more and more distress to the people around me. I may not realize I'm doing it but it's happening, because of me. People are trying to help me but they don't realize how much I can and will hurt them. I don't want to but I can't help it. It's like it's out of my control.

Control was a funny thing. It supposedly means having some kind of authority or power over something. But that's not true. It's having a _limited _power over something or someone. But in my case it was very limited. My control was practically non-existent. They took my control and left me feeling vulnerable. And for what? So they could have something extra in their life to somehow make themselves feel better and bigger than everyone else. Power. That is what everything comes down to...power. I hated it, but that didn't mean I didn't crave it like everyone else in this world.

After Edward had left, I had been left to my own thoughts with nothing as a distraction. Edward had given it a good go by telling a story about himself. He had taken away the pain and confusion for a couple of minutes just so I could relax and feel better. Just so I could escape from my head for a while. He didn't have to do it. He just did. That was the type of person he was, somebody who was willing to go out of his way to make others feel good. I wish I was more like him.

I felt guilty, that seemed to be the most common emotion running through me these days. It was like a daily occurrence. I hated hurting people. Especially Edward. He shouldn't be here trying to help me. It was a pointless effort on his behalf. He was going out of his way for me, just so I would feel better. It wasn't his duty to do so. I should push him away, so he could move on and not have to worry about someone like me. Someone who was beyond help.

But I couldn't. No matter how much I hated his pity I couldn't tell him to leave. I didn't want him to leave. I was selfish. But he was helping me when he shouldn't be.

My eyes landed on his coat that was slung over the chair in the corner. It wasn't anything bright or obvious but my eyes seemed to have a pull towards it. It kept reminding me of what happened, like it was taunting me. But there was some little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this wasn't happening. It was as if I would fall asleep and wake up to find this all to be some indescribable nightmare.

I could see the dirt all over it. And I don't mean the mud from the ground. I mean _him._ I could see this total stranger all over it just like he was all over me. I felt as if the dirt had been transferred from my body to the coat. It was disgusting, just like I was. Once again I felt my guilt spike. I knew it was only a jacket but it just seemed like another inconvenience. All I was good for was causing the people I cared about more distress.

I didn't sleep, not properly anyway. My eyes drifted close a couple of times but each and every time they rested for even a second I would start to feel his hands all over me. It would send me into shock and wake me up. I had to control my breathing each and every time; I was close to having a panic attack. As if the pain between my legs wasn't enough. At six o'clock I gave up.

I had lost time while pacing so was startled when there was a knock at the door. Carlisle poked his head in. He was beautiful for a man, a lot like Edward. But they looked nothing alike.

"Oh, you're up. How are you this morning?" He asked gently offering me a smile.

"I'm okay." I said quietly. I could tell he didn't believe me but fortunately he didn't make a comment. His eyes seemed to pierce straight through my lie. Instead he just smiled in understanding. How could he understand? No-one did.

"Your father arrived a couple of minutes ago but he said he went to your apartment to get you some clothes. I bet you want to get out of that gown."

"Yeah, they aren't the nicest things." I agreed.

"It doesn't look it either. Well, your vitals look good so you can go home once your father returns. There are some papers you need to sign but apart from that you are free to go." He smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed to leave this room. I nodded and smiled slightly.

"I'm heading back home soon but if you feel any dizziness or nausea then come straight back, okay?"

"Okay. Wait, did you come all the way here just for me?" I asked worried. From my talks with Edward, I knew Dr and Mrs. Cullen didn't live close by. I wasn't sure where but I knew this wasn't Dr Cullen's usual place of employment. I hope he had come down for someone other than me, a patient needing a heart transplant or something. Something worthwhile.

"Edward and Alice were worried." That was all he offered for an explanation. Now I felt even worse. I had only met Dr Cullen a couple of hours ago and he was already going out of his way to help me. I had taken him from his wife at home and upset his diary. I was causing distress to people I didn't even know. Like father like son.

"Speaking of," he pointed to the door and Edward had just walked in. I couldn't help but feel relief when he stepped into the room. I instantly felt safe, not that I didn't with Carlisle.

"Hey beautiful, dad," He nodded to his father.

"Edward, I just let Bella know she is fine to go home now. I'm going to drive back soon too. Make sure you give you mother a call later." Edward nodded in agreement and I said my goodbyes to Carlisle.

I took a closer look at Edward and noticed he looked awful. He had black bags under his eyes, which were slightly bloodshot so I knew he hadn't gotten much sleep. It was my fault. He shouldn't care that much about me. I had to stop this before it got any worse.

"How you doing this morning?" He asked with concern. _Lie_, my subconscious was telling me. I had too; it was for his own good.

"I feel much better, some sleep did me good," I smiled at him and he looked relieved.

"I'm glad, has your dad arrived yet?"

"I think a while ago but he went to my apartment to get me some clothes. He will come straight back."

"I'm guessing you don't need a ride then?" He asked with that crooked grin.

I tried to smile back, "No it's okay. Thanks for coming to see me but you should go and get some sleep as well. You look like hell,"

"Thanks. At least I can rely on you to tell me the truth," he chuckled. Before I could answer the door opened again and my dad stepped through.

"Bells," he said in relief. I gave him a reassuring smile knowing he was concerned._ His daughter just got raped what do you expect?_ I inwardly flinched at that thought.

"Hey dad, this is Edward Cullen. He was the one that found me and his father was my doctor last night," I said introducing them both. Edward stuck his hand out to Charlie.

"Nice to meet you, sir," Charlie grabbed his hand.

"You too, Edward. Thanks for...uh...well everything," Edward nodded his head slightly and gave a tight lipped smile. I could tell Charlie was grateful. I walked over to Charlie and gently took the bag from his hand.

"I'm going to get changed and then we can go. Will you wait?" I asked Edward. He assured me he would and I quickly stepped into the bathroom.

I locked the door behind me and breathed a sigh of relief. I had only been half hour and I was already tired from all the pretending. _Suck it up Swan, it's for their own good. _You know when you're starting to go crazy when you refer to yourself by your last name in your head.

I started searching through the bag seeing what Charlie had picked for me. I was glad that he knew nothing about fashion and had decided on comfort rather than making an impression. He had chosen a pair of yoga pants, a tank top and a jumper. I found some panties and a bra at the bottom and was relieved. I was glad to have some underwear on. I was still slightly sore down there. I pulled the rest of the hospital gown off, it really was uncomfortable, and got dressed in my own clothes. I felt a little better when I stepped out of the bathroom door. I noticed that Edward and Charlie were in deep conversation huddled close together and they hadn't realized I had returned until I spoke up.

"Thanks dad, I feel better now," I didn't catch what they were talking about but it didn't take a genius to guess what it was.

"No problem Bells, are you ready to go?" I nodded and left the gown on the bed. I noticed Edward starting to walk towards the chair. He reached out to take his jacket before I stopped him.

"No!" Both him and Charlie looked at me oddly.

"I... uh... I mean leave it, I'll get it washed for you," I tried to smile but pretty sure it came out as a grimace.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." He said and made a move for it again. I ran over and grabbed it before he had the chance.

"No, please. It's the least I could do. It needs a good wash." I chuckled nervously while Edward still had the frown on his face. He nodded reluctantly and I turned away to put it in my bag.

"Let's go," Charlie also had a frown, watching the whole exchange. _Lie better._

As we walked down the corridors I felt like everyone was staring. I knew they weren't but I was being paranoid. I had to keep telling myself that they didn't know what happened. It was still a relief though once we made it to the doors after I had signed all the papers I needed to.

"I'll get the car, Bells, and then we can go. Thanks again Edward, see you soon son."

"No thanks necessary Charlie," Edward nodded his head as Charlie walked off. I stood there in shock. My father obviously liked Edward to allow him to call him Charlie. Usually it was Chief Swan just for intimidation purposes. Edward turned to look back at me.

"I have to go but promise to call if you need anything okay?" I nodded in agreement even though I knew it would never happen.

"Thanks again Edward." He smiled and squeezed my hand once before walking out the door. I stood there watching him, thinking of all the things he has done for me and how he me made me feel.

I don't know why but I felt safe with him. When he took my hand both last night and just now, I didn't feel any fear like if someone else tried physical contact. Instead, I felt the usual. A buzz of electric flowed straight through my body as soon as his skin came in contact with mine. It confused the hell out of me that I felt so secure around him. I wanted to know if it was just his presence or others too.

So when Charlie drove around with the car and stepped out to take my bag I didn't waste any time in wrapping my arms around him. He responded the gesture and we stood in silence for a couple of minutes. I took comfort from the contact rather than fear. For the first time that day, I felt the need to cry. I surprised that the tears hadn't already come.

"He's a good boy," Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah he is," and he was, but it also made me feel better knowing he wasn't the only person I felt safe around. Charlie wasn't really a fair test considering he was my father and I knew he wouldn't hurt me that way. But I wouldn't always have them; I would eventually be on my own. I pulled back from Charlie and he gave me a smile.

He wrapped his right arm around me while his left carried my duffel bag, "Let's go home,"

_Home.

* * *

_

We had been in the car for less than 10 minutes when he started.

"So, where's Jake? I would have thought he would have been here before me." I knew the questions were coming and couldn't really avoid them but I really wasn't in the mood to talk about my other problems right now.

"No, Jake's not coming. We're not together anymore." I hoped this would be enough but unfortunately for me it wasn't.

"What? Why? You two are perfect together," I inwardly rolled my eyes. I decided to tell the truth, going with the cliff-note version.

"He cheated on me, I broke up with him, he's been trying to get back together, I don't want to at all, we aren't perfect and never were."

Charlie was quiet for a moment and I finally relaxed thinking that was the end. Or not.

"He cheated on you? Son of a bitch. With whom? Do you know her? Why didn't you tell me before?" This time I didn't even try to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Jesus Dad, what is this the Spanish inquisition? Yes, he cheated on me. I'm not telling you who but yes we know her and I didn't tell you because I knew how much you liked the idea of us together." That was only part of the reason why I didn't tell him. I thought he would tell me to grow some balls and take Jacob back, put everything behind us. _No-way buddy._ However, I didn't expect his reaction.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way. If I had known I would have found some reason to arrest his ass or kick it, depended on what mood I was in." I cracked a genuine smile at the thought of Charlie taking on Jacob, who was about a foot taller and probably double his weight. "So, when did it happen? Was you okay?" I know he was only concerned but I was starting to get angry. Couldn't he take a hint? I didn't want to take it out on Charlie though, so I counted to 10 before answering.

"It was last weekend, Dad. Please can we not talk about this right now? I'm really not in the mood." Thankfully he relented but not before he got his thoughts in.

"I could shoot him right about now. Just wait until he hears about the attack, he's going to feel so guilty. He should too, it was partly his fault." My eyes grew wide and I had to stop that idea right there.

"Charlie, no! I don't want him to know. He will just use it against me saying he will protect me and whatever. I don't want to deal with him anymore; I want him out of my life. Promise me you won't tell him?" I could tell he didn't want to agree but realized it wasn't his choice to make.

"Fine, but I'm still going to kick his ass." I gave him a small smile and returned my look to the scenery as it passed by my window.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Dad."

When we got back to my apartment I decided to make something to eat. If I was going to keep up this happy façade then I had to do it properly. Charlie went and put his bags in the spare bedroom and when he came out, we both sat down to eat the sandwiches I had made while watching some pointless sitcom on the TV.

Neither of us was enjoying the show but we didn't bother turning it over. After another 20 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to take a shower.

"I'm going to jump in the shower, I won't be long. Help yourself to anything you want." Charlie thanked me and I walked out of the room. Before I even made it to my bedroom, I heard the sounds of a baseball game on the TV. _He doesn't waste any time._

I walked into the bathroom and noticed nothing had changed since I left the room on Friday night. The makeup I had used was still scattered along the counter along with my hair products. My curling tongs were still plugged into the socket but turned off. Nothing had changed in this room. It was weird that so much _had _changed but you just couldn't see it. My feelings had changed, the situation had changed and most importantly, people had change.

I turned on the shower to scalding hot. I felt dirty again. I wanted to wash it away. No, I _needed_ to wash it away. I had to get rid of the dirt and the memories and everything. The scent of my favorite strawberry shampoo soon filled the air and calmed me slightly. As I ran the sponge and soap over my body I only seemed to get dirtier. I knew that wasn't the case but it wasn't working. It was how I felt. I was paranoid.

So I scrubbed.

And I scrubbed.

And I scrubbed.

I scrubbed my body until it was red raw. I didn't realize I had started crying until I tasted the saltiness of my tears on my tongue. I gave up washing my body, suddenly exhausted and wanting the comfort of my own bed.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my head and body. I walked back into my bedroom, heading straight for the drawers. I took out a clean pair of yoga pants and another tank top. I put them on and started to comb through the knots in my hair. As I walked past the mirror, my reflection stopped me in my tracks.

My hair was obviously wet from the shower but my face looked drawn. It seemed to be a yellowish color, like I hadn't seen daylight in ages. My eyes had the same bags under them as Edwards' had which accompanied the blank look that was in them. But these things weren't what had captured my attention. No, it was the bruises on my arms. On both of my biceps, I had finger marks.

It was proof. Proof of what had happened had actually happened. I won't deny that I wished I could fall asleep and wake up finding this all a nightmare. The bruises I was looking at were proof that it happened. There were some sick and twisted people out there that actually got pleasure out of what they did to me and thousands of other girls that were victims. The tears followed the dry tracks down my face, wetting them once more. My cries became hard and loud sobs and I couldn't stop, couldn't be quiet. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to believe that someone could violate my body that way. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted to get out of my head and enter some parallel universe that was full of pretty colours and flowers. A place where nothing goes wrong and everything is perfect. A girl can dream, right?

I was screaming and shouting and knew Charlie would be in here soon but couldn't make myself stop. It was as if I needed to get it out of my system by having a full mental breakdown. If that wasn't enough, I chucked the hairbrush straight at the mirror. It was an involuntary action. I didn't even register thinking of doing it. It was if my arm moved on its own accord. I watched as the glass cracked and fell to the floor, my body following. I broke down. I was finding it hard to control my breathing.

I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. I knew it was Charlie. I could smell him. It was an airy smell and it brought me comfort. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and he use to comfort me when I had fallen down the stairs or off a swing. It was nice to know that he was where he was supposed to be. I needed him at that moment. Not Edward. I needed my Daddy and he was the one there with me.

* * *

_I was standing with my back against the wall. I could feel his breathe on my neck. A shiver ran down my spine. It wasn't from attraction or the cold. It was fear. Pure fear that was running through my blood. My own breathing started to pick up. I wanted to run. To scream for help._

_But I couldn't. I couldn't move. Not one inch._

_All of a sudden the sensation was of off me. I could move again. I should have run while I had the chance but I couldn't make myself do it, it was as if I was paralyzed. I looked around me. I was in the alley, I could see the dumpster next to me and the rubbish piled around my feet. It was different though. I could see this time, it wasn't pitch black. I didn't know if this was a good thing or not._

_I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and my head shot to that direction. I tried to make out what the movement was. It seemed like a black smoky shadow was advancing towards me. It was a body, a man. But I couldn't tell anything else. It started to move closer to me and I tried to take a step back only to be met with the brick wall._

_The shadow started to form more defined features. He was getting clearer and clearer. The top of the head started to grow brown. It was hair. The face was getting just as clear. The eyes turned brown. The body was tall and skinny but had some muscles. My breath caught in my throat. It was Ben. I blinked but before I could do anything, the body started to change again._

_This time it was messy blonde hair and a tall and lean body. I couldn't make out the eyes but knew it was Jasper Hale. No-one else has hair like that. But it changed again, not giving me the chance to process what I was seeing. The hair was going dark and seemed to be shooting back into the skull. The body grew considerably. The eyes turned grey. But they weren't the warm and mischievous eyes I was use to. They were cold. It was like Emmett had been possessed._

_It changed again, my breathing with it. It was coming out in short bursts. I was panicking. This couldn't be happening. Not again. Why me? Again why me? The body stayed the same but everything else changed. The shadow's skin grew impeccably darker and the hair started growing at alarming speeds. The hazel eyes of Jacob Black were narrowed at me. If I reached out my arms I could probably feel him, touch him. But I was still paralyzed by the fear. It was closer now and Jacob started to disappear. The shadow was coming back. I didn't know which was worse._

_It was practically touching me now and I couldn't predict what it was going to do. There was no way to read his expression considering there was no face. It was right up against me, his whole body if it existed. I was waiting for it to do something. _

_A hole started to appear where the mouth should be. I prepared myself. I was braced against the wall. My eyes wide open with no moisture. I tried to close them but couldn't. All of a sudden it pushed onto me. I didn't expect it. I could feel it grinding at my body. It seemed like déjà vu all over again. This realization did nothing for my emotional state._

_I tried to push the shadow away but instead of coming into contact with something solid, my hands shot straight through it. I was vulnerable. I couldn't do anything to stop its movements. I was powerless against it._

_I started to feel cold breezes of air on my neck. I quickly realized it was acting as kisses. They weren't nice kisses. They were sending shivers through my body. I started trembling and couldn't stop. I had no control. Not over the shadow, or the situation and definitely not my body._

_The slight pressure to my clothes came next. It was if he was trying to get them off me. It wasn't enough for him. He wanted to see my body at mercy in front of him. He wanted more proof of my vulnerability. My trembling was uncontrollable. I needed to stop this. It couldn't happen again. I won't let it._

_I opened my mouth. It was my only chance at this moment._

"_Help me!" The pressure was just getting harder and tougher. It was if he was getting angry at me. I was showing the little of control I had and he didn't like that._

"_Help, please!" Something blocked my airway. I didn't know what it was but it was successful in making any sound come out. I was finding it had to breathe. I was still trying to scream. I couldn't breathe. It was coming out in smaller gasps. The shadow was surrounding me. It was taking everything, all my senses. I couldn't hear anything or smell anything. My vision was going, leaving behind black dots. The only thing left was its touch. I could still feel it all on me. It was ending._

_No, I had to survive. I had to get out. Help me, please help me. Do something! Please! I tried to talk, but was met with nothing._

_Pure silence, again._

I shot up in bed. I was breathing heavily and could feel beads of sweat running down the side of my face. A nightmare. Just a nightmare. It wasn't real.

I must have fallen asleep after my little tantrum. I couldn't believe I did that. I completely broke. I was normally a strong person who took their fears and dealt with them. But I was in denial. The bruises were like a wake-up call. They caused me to break. I felt sorry but grateful for Charlie. I needed it to happen. It was only a matter of time.

I looked at the clock and it said it was just after 8 in the morning. I had been asleep for a long time. I decide to get up and go to see Charlie before he left to drive home. I knew he had to be at the station the next day considering it would be a Monday so he would be leaving soon.

I stumbled my way to the kitchen and found Charlie sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in one hand and the sports section of the newspaper in the other. He looked up as I entered so I gave him a small smile hoping to convey my gratitude to him without verbalizing it. He returned the small smile and his body noticeably relaxed a little. Neither of us said anything for a while, just waiting in silence, ignoring the elephant in the room.

"Have you eaten?" I asked. I was trying to avoid the talk we needed to have.

He nodded his head, "Yeah, I had some cereal when I got up. I have to leave soon. I wanted to go into the station, see if there are any updates with what happened on Friday."

"Okay, will you let me know please?" He hesitated for a moment.

"Uhh, are you sure that's a good idea, honey? I don't want to worry you." I knew he was referring to what happened last night. I gave a sigh, knowing I couldn't ignore what happened any longer.

"Dad, I'm fine. I know last night worried you but it helped. I think I needed to get it out of my system. It was like everything kept piling up and I couldn't hold onto it anymore. When I saw the bruises, it all became a reality to me. Now, I'm not saying I'm fine with everything because I'm not but I am dealing with it. I promise I'm okay. There's nothing for you to worry about and to be honest, I think I would worry more not being kept up to date with it." He thought over my words for a moment before nodding his head in agreement.

"I can't say I'm not worried about you, Bells. Last night really freaked me out. I have never seen you like that before, but you do seem better this morning so maybe what your saying is true, maybe you did need it. But I want you to promise me that if it gets too much that you will come to me. I know it's hard, without your mother close by and everything but I want to be here for you, Bella, if you will let me. I hate to think of losing you, you're my little girl." I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. Charlie didn't mention Renee often but when he did, it was usually for good reason.

"It means a lot to me that you here Dad. I miss not having her close." I whispered. I went over to him and he opened his arms to me. I stepped into them and wrapped my own around his waist. He gently stroked my hair until my tears finally stopped.

Just after lunch, I finally closed my apartment door. Charlie had left and I was on my own again. For the majority of the day, Edward called but I ignored all messages from him. With Charlie gone and being alone, I didn't have to pretend. I could act exactly how I felt and be miserable.

The smile could come off. I didn't have to put on a mask for anyone to convince them I was copping.

Because in reality, I wasn't.

* * *

_Hmm...not such a great response for last chapter. I guess it wasn't a good one? Or perhaps it was EPOV? I don't know but I hope this one is better. Each and every review put a gigantic smile on my face :)_


	5. Mistaken Words

4 January 2011

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

_

~Edward Cullen~

* * *

One week. One long, torturous, agonizing week. One week since the incident. One week since anyone heard anything from Bella.

In a way, I wish I had never found Bella. I wish someone else had so I could just be there to pick up the pieces and help her through it all. But I couldn't even do that. Because she was avoiding me. She was avoiding everyone. She had closed herself of from society completely and it worried me.

I needed to see how she was. I needed to get rid of this image in my head. The one that showed Bella when she was vulnerable and broke on the floor of an alley, covered by rubbish that hid her ripped clothes and harmed body. It kills me to know someone can leave a woman practically naked, covered in cuts and bruises on the stone cold floor. But that doesn't hurt as much as knowing what she had to go through and is still going through on her own.

She's struggling. I know it. At the hospital when she grabbed my jacket and stopped me from taking it, made something click in my head. As soon as she said she would have it cleaned for me, told me she thought it was dirty. And considering she was wearing it last makes me think that she thinks she was dirty. But I don't think like in the normal sense. It's obvious that she isn't physically dirty, it's mentally. He is what makes her feel dirty.

I don't think that and never could. But it's obvious that deep down inside of her she is going to come to some kind of conclusion on that level. And the part that was killing me was that there is no-one to tell her otherwise. She is hiding at home with just herself and her mind with no other people. She needs people to tell her it will be okay and that she isn't alone.

But she wants to be alone. I tried calling multiple times, every day since it happen and had received no response other than her voicemail. Even the text messages I sent went unanswered. It worried me, I had no idea what was happening in that apartment. I don't know what was going through her mind even though I think I had an idea. She could be drinking herself into a stupor or cutting her wrists or even be lying on the floor dead. And I wouldn't know a thing. No-one knows a thing. And inside it was tearing me apart.

I wished she would just answer one call or one text. Even if it is a simple 'I am fine.' That way, I can go back to figuring other ways to help her or giving her the space she wants and needs.

"Hey Edward!" Someone called behind me. I was on my way to the coffee shop down the block from our house. It sold the best muffins. I turned and looked at my follower. It was Angela. She was jogging to catch up with me, so I slowed to a stop for her.

"Hi Angela, how are you?"

"I'm good, you?"

I grimaced. Angela noticed my look and gave me an understanding smile.

"That good huh? Is it Bella?" I nodded my head and sighed deeply. _Am I seriously that easy to read?_

"Yeah, I'm worried about her. I've been calling all week but she hasn't answered." I explained.

"Me too, Edward. The others have tried as well and have got no response. We're all worried about her."

Angela looked devastated. She really was a nice girl. She looked like someone who would be there for Bella when she needed her, a time like now. We walked into the coffee shop together and I opened the door for her before making my way over to the counter.

"Are you staying for coffee?" I asked her.

"Yeah I could do with some." She smiled at me and I returned it. I liked Angela.

I looked around for an available seat after collecting our orders. It was pretty full but I was lucky. My favorite table at the back was free. I started walking in that direction. It had the perfect view of the window, but it also didn't draw attention to me when I sat there. I could always see when someone arrived. It also happened to be the exact table I shared with Bella the day we met.

I took a seat and gestured for Angela to do the same. We both sat in silence for a couple of minutes, each of us in our own thoughts.

I was running out of ideas with Bella. I didn't know how to get through to her. I wanted to help so badly but at the same time I didn't want to get in her personal space. I understand that she needed time. I was willing to give her that but she shouldn't be shutting everything and everyone else out.

I needed her to understand that she had people who were there for her. No matter what, I would always be someone who she can speak to. My calls and texts obviously weren't enough. I had to come up with another way to get in contact with her.

"She needs us Angela. It feels wrong just to be sitting around doing my own thing and not helping her in any way. I don't know what to do." I was getting frustrated. I ran my hand through my hair, a habit of mine. I got it from my father. Esme use to always joke that I would turn bald before I was thirty. I don't know how but my father seemed to grow out of that habit. I seem to do it unconsciously most of the time.

"I know Edward. I'm trying to think. We don't want to overwhelm her. I think that would be the wrong thing to do. It would be like taking one step forward and two steps back."

"I don't think we could get further back at this point, Ang." I mumbled.

"Have you been to her house?"

"No, I don't want to push the boundaries." She looked thoughtful for a moment. She had an idea. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

"Well, I think we should do. Forget the boundaries. Maybe just knock and see if she lets us in. I don't think there is much more we can do really." She said. I thought about it. It did seem reasonable and it was the only thing we had to go on at this present in time.

"It's all we have so far." I stood up and threw my cup in the bin.

"Are you coming?" Angela was still sitting down and hadn't made a move to get up.

"I don't think so. She feels safe with you Edward; Alice explained what happened at the hospital. I think you should talk to her first and then the rest of us can start to help. Like I said, we don't want to overwhelm her." She smiled softly. I could tell how much it was hurting her.

"Are you sure?" I asked with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, just promise to call or text me and let me know what is happening with her." I agreed quickly. It was the least I could do.

She took a spare bit of rough paper out of her bag and wrote on it. She handed it to me. I looked down at her neat handwriting and noticed an address and two numbers on it.

"That is her address. If you want to call Bella beforehand that is her home number. She doesn't use it that often but it might come in handy. My number is the bottom one. Please let me know," She smiled a sad smile and got up. She placed her hand on my forearm.

"It will be okay Edward, I promise. She just needs to know we are here for her." I nodded in agreement and watched as she walked out the door. I pulled out my phone and programmed both numbers in to it. I put the paper in my back pocket and made my way outside.

Her apartment didn't seem to be far, about a 10 minute drive. Instead of going back to get my Volvo, I decided to just get a cab. Getting my car and walking seemed to take too much time.

I hailed a cab and got in. I gave the address and we started off across town. I knew where she lived but didn't know the number. I was glad Angela had thought of giving it as the idea hadn't even entered my head. As we were driving through her neighborhood, I noticed it was pretty nice. When the cab arrived outside her apartment complex, I got out and threw some money at the driver. As soon as he drove off I started to feel nervous. I didn't know why. Maybe it was just the idea of Bella. It may have been because I had no clue what I may find when I got up there. I looked at the address again. I couldn't work out if it was 34a or d. I decided to just go up and then decide. If worse comes to worse, I could always call Angela.

I got in the elevator up to her floor. The building was very nice, it was clean and modern and if my parents hadn't have brought a house for our graduation, and I wouldn't have minded living here. When I got to her floor I decided to go with 'a' first. I walked up to the door and prayed it was the right one.

I knocked and waited for an answer. After a couple of minutes I started to give up. Just as I turned to walk towards the other end of the corridor to try'd', the door flew open. A guy about my age had opened it. He was about my height with plenty of muscles. He wasn't as big as Emmett but he definitely had his fair share. This dude had short cropped blond hair that was styled to perfection. He looked like your typical frat boy.

"Honey, you are fine. You here for a booty call?" He said looking me up and down with a smirk on his face. I was shocked, I'm pretty sure my face would have made for a great picture.

"Wh-What?" I asked. _Did he just ask for a booty call?_

"Aww, you are so adorable! Very cute. My Jacky would looove you," he winked at me. He had a dazzling smile on his face. I was confused, what they hell is happening?

"Jacky?" I repeated slowly. _Who the fuck was Jacky? I'm looking for a Bella, not a Jacky._

"Yep, Jacky, Jackson. My boyfriend, my lover, my soul mate," he swooned. _Ohh... now I get it. He's gay._ I smiled at him.

He places a hand over where his heart should be, "That smile almost gave me a heart attack! What a stud muffin. I have to call Jacky. Can you hold for a second?" What? He wants to introduce me to his gay lover. _Okay, no can do._

"Actually I can't. I'm looking for someone. I was wondering if you could help me." I asked politely.

"Believe me stud, if I didn't have my Jacky I would definitely be your someone."

"No I mean I already have someone, no not really but anyway. I'm looking for my friend Bella; do you know what apartment hers is?" I asked again, trying to get back on track before I confused either of us anymore.

"I love Bella. That is so cute, you are the cutest couple." He doesn't give up.

"We aren't a couple, just friends. Unfortunately." I mumbled that last part hoping he didn't catch it. He did.

"Unfortunately, huh? Well I think we should look at changing that. I'm Bailey," he stuck his hand out. I took it in mine.

"Edward. I don't mean to be rude but I really need Bella," I realized what that sounded like too late.

"Ahh stud I know you do, I will help, I promise."

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant-"I started. I was digging myself a bigger hole here.

"I know what you mean. She's 34d. I'm just getting it out there that I think you would be the perfect couple. Don't be a stranger Edward; it was nice to meet you. Come back soon stud, I'm sure Jacky would love you too." He winked and shut the door on my face before I could reply. _Okay then._

I started walking toward 34d. I was kind of in a daze. Had that just happened? When Angela told me to come over I sure didn't expect that. If I wasn't so worried about Bella, I probably would have thought Bailey was quite a character. But he did seem to calm my nerves a bit also. However, that didn't last long and they came back with full force once I was standing outside her door.

I raised my hand and paused. _Just do it Cullen, get it over with. _I knocked on her door. I took a step back from it and waited for her answer. She didn't. I knocked again. Still no response.

Maybe she wasn't in. I knew that wasn't true but I didn't want to overwhelm or push her. I decided to leave it for now and try again tomorrow.

On my way home I realized I was way out of my league doing this. I didn't know how to help a rape victim. I keep saying that she needs her friends and people who care about her but to be honest I had no idea. I needed help with this. And I knew who the perfect person was.

The cab pulled up in front of our house. When Alice and I graduated from high school and decided to come to college in Seattle, our parents decided to follow. I think it was them just following wherever the majority of their children were. Emmett was already out here so they seemed happy to get the family back together again. However, my mother didn't want to live in a city so she persuaded my dad to take a job in a little town called Forks. And it was definitely little.

Anyway, they decided to buy a house for all three of us to live in together close to campus. It was basically a graduation present. We didn't mind sharing considering we got along so well. We didn't seem like normal brothers and sisters. It was rare for us to fight. When Emmett started getting serious with Rosalie and Alice started getting serious with Jasper, they decided to move in also. This meant that I was lucky enough to get the whole of the 3rd floor of our house to myself. Emmett and Rosalie had downstairs while Alice and Jasper had the middle level.

I walked through our front door and noticed the house was unusually quiet. I guess that meant everyone was out. I stepped into the kitchen planning on getting a drink when I heard someone behind me.

"Whatcha doin'?" I whirled around and found Rosalie standing leaning against the doorframe to the dining room.

"Jesus Rose, warn a guy before you creep up on him." I clutched my chest. My heart was pounding, probably double its normal rate. Rosalie snickered.

"Sorry, you okay?" She said, not sounding apologetic at all.

"Yeah fine, no thanks to you," I said giving her a playful glare. I turned back to the kitchen and fixed myself a drink. I wanted to ask her about what I should do about Bella but I didn't know how to bring it up. I was having a mental war in my mind whether I should just ask her straight out or work my way to it.

"What's on your mind Cullen?" _Straight to it then._

"Its Bella," I stated the obvious. She nodded so I took that as a sign to continue.

"I don't know how to help her or what to do. I've tried calling god knows how many times and I have tried texts but she just ignores them. The others have tried also according to Angela and they have no response either. I'm going out of my mind. I keep seeing her lying on her floor bleeding or something. She could be dying in that apartment and we wouldn't know it. I went over to her apartment today but she didn't answer." I finished my rant by running my hand through my hair again. Rosalie was looking at me closely. I knew she would have an answer; she's been through it all.

Just after her senior year at high school, she was raped by someone she went to school with. She wouldn't tell us his name because she knew Emmett would look for him. She didn't have anyone to help her and had to deal with it on her own, too afraid to tell her family. But that all changed once she met my mother through a meeting she attended once a month. If anyone could help me with Bella, it was Rosalie.

"Look Edward, to be honest what you are doing, you should keep on doing. She needs her friends right now, whether she knows it or not. But she won't feel like talking. Go to her instead of calling. Don't give up on her, that's the worst thing you could do. If she doesn't talk to you then try distracting her, she will probably be in her own little world. And that is not an overall good thing."

"Yeah, I tried that before. I started talking about myself at the hospital."

"Good, and did it help?" I thought about it for a moment.

"I think so. She seemed to relax a little and get into it but it didn't last long." Rosalie smiled softly.

"Don't expect it to. She needs to get over this. She just needs time but don't give up."

I nodded my head, "Thanks Rose. So basically just keep on doing what I am doing?" I asked.

"Yes and don't give up."

"I don't think I could even if I wanted to Rose," I admitted to her.

"What do you mean?" She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"I don't know. I just seem to have some kind of pull to her. I think that's why I'm getting so frustrated with not doing anything to help her."

Rosalie didn't say anything for a while. She just stood in the same spot with her eyes trained on me. She didn't even blink. I was started to get self-conscious under her gaze.

"You're falling for her," I decided not to disagree; it would only cause more problems.

"Yeah I am." I admitted quietly. Rosalie looked thoughtful.

"Edward, don't push it. Getting her to trust people, especially guys again will be hard for her. Don't use the fact she trusts you to your advantage. And don't force her into something she isn't ready for," Did she seriously just say that? I can't believe she could think I was capable of doing that after everything.

"God, Rose. What do you think I'm going to do? Go straight to her house, blurt out I love her and hope to god she feels the same? And if she doesn't then force myself on her? Completely ignore the fact she has just been raped. Even if she hadn't been I wouldn't do that." Why would I want to hurt Bella like that?

"I know I'm sorry. It just came out. I just want to prepare you. If you like her it's not going to be easy. Just ask Emmett." She did look sorry and I felt a little guilty for going off on her like I did.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to lose it."

"It's okay Edward. I know you care for her. And I know how frustrating this all must be. Just be there for her and don't push her. In the end everything will fall into place. I promise."

* * *

It was now Wednesday. I had gone to Bella's apartment every night since Saturday. I had taken Rosalie's advice and hadn't given up. Bella still hadn't answered at all and was still ignoring all of my texts and calls. It was like she had fallen of the face of the earth. I had been keeping Angela updated but there doesn't seem to be much to tell her about.

My worry was going out of control and my anger was starting to grow from my frustration. She can't hide away forever. She had her time and now she needs other peoples help. Tonight when I go to her apartment, I will not leave until she talked to me.

I went through the day wondering what will happen at Bella's, so when I got there I was a complete wreck. I was even more nervous than normal and could hardly keep my hands still. I walked up to her door and took a couple of steady breathes. I didn't want to get angry with her. I didn't want to show how much her ignoring me and everyone else is hurting us all. She was going through more and without a doubt she was hurting more. I needed to push those feelings down, deep down. At least for now.

I knocked once. No answer.

I knocked again. No answer.

I knocked a third time. No answer.

The fourth time I decide to call to her.

"Bella? It's me, Edward. Are you in? I know you probably don't want to talk but I think we should. Please open the door. If you want me to leave after I have seen you then I promise I will go. But I am not leaving until I have seen you with my own eyes. Please Bella; just open the-"I was cut off when she opened it. I was shocked that that worked. I wish I had tried that earlier.

But it wasn't the Bella I know and loved standing in front of my eyes. This was a different Bella. She left the door open and walked away so I assumed she wanted me to enter. I did anyway. As I walked in I instantly notice how normal it looked. It didn't look messy but I can tell nothing had been touched in days. To be honest, I didn't know what I was expecting. Bella walked straight over to the sofa and sat on the edge. She wasn't looking at me or anything else really. Her eyes seemed blank, staring at the TV screen but I know from her look that she wasn't concentrating on it.

"How are you doing, beautiful?" No response.

"No-one has seen you in a while. Everyone misses you. I spoke to Angela the other day. She's worried about you. We all are." Still no response. I took a proper look at her. She was wearing plain yoga pants and tank top which I'm pretty sure Alice would never approve of. Her face looked yellow and thin as if she had lost weight. You could almost see her bones through her tank. Her eyes had big black bags under them. It was an obvious sign that she hadn't been sleeping. They were red and puffy. She'd been crying. Just the thought broke my heart a little more. You can still see the bruises on her arms but they seemed to be fading now and are only noticeable if you were looking for them.

"Bella, we want to help you. Everyone does, including Alice and Rosalie and the guys." Silence.

"Please Bella, just say something." I begged her. Her face turned to me. She didn't seem to be looking at me; instead she seemed to be looking straight through me.

"Look, I know this must be hard. I hate seeing you like this. It's killing me inside. I understand what you are going through but –"she cut me off.

"You understand?" She looked livid. I had just realized my mistake. _Of course you don't understand, dumbass. How could you? _"You do not understand! How could you possible understand? You have absolutely no idea what I'm going though! Have you ever been raped? No! Have you ever had someone force themselves at you like I did? No! Did you have your control taken away from you and left you feeling empty and vulnerable? No! So don't you dare say you understand Edward! Because you don't. No-one understands!" There was fire in her eyes now. She was screaming and showing a little bit of emotion. Part of me was glad she hadn't completely left us but the other half hated seeing her like this. She was hurting. And every word I heard her say was true.

"Bella I didn't mean –"she cut me off.

"Yes you did! Get out now. I don't want you in here. Just leave me alone and don't come back." Her voice was cold and hard just like her stare. I just stood there, looking at her. I didn't want to leave. She needed me and I wanted to be there for her. But I wanted to do as she asked. I was stuck in limbo.

"Get out!" She screamed. I flinched. I'm pretty sure it would have hurt her throat. I should leave; it would be for the best at this moment. I walked out of the door and closed it quietly behind me. I leaned against it and shut my eyes. I could hear her sobbing on the other side and I hated that it was me who made her cry like that. It took all of my will power not to run back in there and scoop her up safely in my arms.

I made my way out of her building and decided to walk home. I was glad I didn't drive this time. I needed the time to clear my head. It would do me some good.

She was right. Every single word was true. I didn't understand. I could pretend like I knew how to fix her and that I knew what she was going through but I shouldn't because I didn't know at all. I had never been in her position. And she made that fact perfectly clear. I could never imagine something like that happening to me. It was wrong of me to say I understood what she was going through because I didn't. I had no idea. The only thing I knew was that it was tearing her up inside, just like it was me.

I didn't realize where my feet were carrying me. I seemed to be outside my front door without even recalling the journey. I walked in and went straight to the living room. I fell onto the sofa, still deep in thoughts.

"Edward? What happened?" Rosalie came to sit next to me. She looked concerned.

"I spoke to Bella." Now she looked confused.

"Okay, that a good thing isn't it? Why do you look so sad?" she asked.

"I was an idiot. She opened the door but wouldn't talking to me. I said I understood how she was feeling. It was so stupid. She went off on one saying I didn't. It was heart breaking to see her like that. I didn't know what to do. When she said to leave I felt so conflicted. She didn't want me there so I just ... I just left. I'm such an asshole." I berated myself. I felt a lump in my throat and tried to control my emotions.

"Oh Edward. That was pretty stupid." She said softly.

"Tell me about it. I feel so guilty. She was coping in her own way before I went in and then I messed it all up. Sent her straight back to the beginning again. God, even Angela warned me of this! I could hear her crying when I closed the door." I started to shake my head, hoping to clear the memories and sounds I was remembering.

"Just give her time Edward. It will get better. She's just confused right now. She thinks there is no-one who will understand what she is feeling. She is forgetting that people go through this every day." Rosalie explained. _Hold up a minute._

"Rose, she said no-one understands but you do. I need you to do me a favour?" I looked at her with determination. She looked slightly worried about my favour.

"A favour?" She repeated.

"Please, it will help all of us…hopefully."

I wanted to help Bella. No, I _needed _to help Bella. I just hope this idea helped.

* * *

_I love my reviews, there are no words to describe how much. Hope you liked the new characters :)  
_


	6. Another Victim, Different Story

_10 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

_

~Bella Swan~

* * *

"_Help, please!" Something blocked my airway. I didn't know what it was but it was successful in making any sound come out. I was finding it hard to breathe. I was still trying to scream. I couldn't breathe. It was coming out in small gasps. The shadow was surrounding me. It was taking everything, all my senses. I couldn't hear anything or smell anything. My vision was going. The only thing left was its touch. I could still feel it all on me. It was ending._

_No, I had to survive. I had to get out. Help me, please help me. Do something! Please! I tried to talk, but was met with nothing._

_Pure silence, again._

I shot up in my bed. I had lost count over the amount of time I had woken up this way. I was breathing heavily and the sweat was pouring off my forehead. I was in desperate need of a shower. I looked at the clock and it was 9 in the morning. That was the latest I had awoken recently. The past week I had been waking myself up with my screams around 5 o'clock.

It was growing old. Every single time I feel asleep for longer than a couple of hours the nightmares would come back. Actually, not _nightmares_, rather _nightmare. _It was the same constant one every single night. The one that starts as a shadow and eventually forms into every male I seem to know. I was tired of it. I knew what was going to happen in it every time but that never prepared me for what I had to relive and replay through my head every night. I always ended up waking the same way. I wish it would stop. I was getting frustrated from the lack of sleep.

The past week I had done nothing. I woke up screaming, moved to the sofa, napped all day then went to bed again. I couldn't eat, it doesn't seem right to be acting so normal. Like nothing had happened. I had to force myself to shower a couple of times but I still had limited hygiene. If I was normal then I would think I was incredibly gross. But I felt anything but normal.

Even the crying had stopped now. I couldn't find it in myself to do it. It's like I had cried out every emotion within me. There was no anger, or frustration or heartbreak. There wasn't even pain anymore. I was just numb. I felt like I was not in my body anymore. But I didn't want to be in that body. It's full of bad memories that I have to see every day when I look in the bathroom mirror.

I struggled to untangle myself from my sheets so I could make my way to the shower. I guess it's time for a wash. I turned it on and looked in the mirror while I waited for the water to warm. If I thought I looked bad before it had nothing on the way I look now. I was a mess. Not just inside, but out also. What a state. I looked like some dirty little girl who should be living on the streets. I was disgraceful. If you looked into my eyes you wouldn't be able to read the thoughts going through my mind. They are mine now; I had perfected the mask that I need to keep up. It doesn't even take effort anymore. It had become my real emotion. I stepped under the water and could feel it cascading down my back.

I went through all the motions of a shower. I didn't even realize I had been doing half the things. It all came to me automatically. I had turned into a robot, just doing the things that my body is programmed to do.

I didn't even know what day is what. The only thing I kept track of was the time. I stared at the clock watching each minute pass by till it was time for me to go to bed and back into my own nightmare. I knew it wasn't healthy but I couldn't do anything to stop it. And why should I? I am not living a normal life. Some people may be able to go around acting like nothing is wrong but I can't. I am not normal, what gives me the right to do those things?

I took my seat on the sofa and automatically turned the TV on. I don't even know what I put on. It never matters, I don't watch it.

My phone started to ring next to me. It's a regular thing. The noise doesn't even scare me anymore. The first couple of times it happened the ring tone made me jump as I didn't expect it. But I always know when it's coming now. I just sat there staring at it until it stopped.

Constantly, without a doubt Edward called each and every day. I never answer. I can't bring myself to face him or anyone else for that matter. I wish he would just give up and stop worrying about me. But he doesn't, he never does. Even when I turned my phone off and his calls went straight to voicemail. I don't know if he leaves any messages. I never look at my phone. The others have called also, but not nearly as much. I know they care and want to help but I can't be selfish enough to accept any of it. I refuse to be charity to them.

The only people who I haven't ignored were my parents. I couldn't do that to them. They didn't deserve it. They already had a screwed up daughter and I didn't want to make it worse by worrying them over nothing. But I know if I didn't answer my calls to them, then they would worry. So I just grinned and bared it. Each time I talked to either of them I put that perfect façade to use. And lucky for me, so far, it had worked like a charm. The first call from Renee was the hardest but I was easily able to steer the conversation away from me.

_I was sitting watching some mindless crap on the screen when the ring tone of my mother blared through the apartment. I jumped about a foot in the air not expecting it._

_Express yourself  
Express yourself_

_You don't ever need help  
From nobody else  
All you got to do now  
Express yourself_

_I picked the phone up and thought about answering it. To be honest, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially Renee who was known to fall into dramatics. The ring tone was still playing from my hands and I knew I didn't really have a choice. If there was anything about Renee that I was positive about it was that she surprisingly never gave up. I knew she would keep on calling and calling until I answered. I breathed a heavy sigh and braced myself._

_I raised the phone to my ear, "Hello?" Instantly she started talking my ear off, not letting me get a word in._

"_Bella! Oh my goodness sweetie, are you okay? Your dad called and told me what happened. Why didn't you call me? I'm your mother; I'm supposed to know about these things straight away. Do you want me to come down there? Yes, I think that is a good idea. Phil! Phil! I need you to book me a flight to Seattle right now, my baby needs me!" She was rambling and having two conversations at once. Typical Renee._

"_Mom?" She didn't hear me, still talking to Phil. Talk about out of hand and I hadn't even said five words yet. There was no way I could deal with her coming down here. I knew for a fact it would make everything a hundred times worse._

"_Mom?" I said a bit louder. My throat felt scratching considering I had been quiet for longer than a day._

"_Oh sorry sweetie, what did you say?" She was back. Thank god I didn't have to shout any louder, I don't think I would be able to._

"_Don't come down here mom. I am fine, I swear. There is nothing wrong. I just decided to take a couple of days off to relax a bit."_

"_But honey, I'm your mother. Surely you need me?" I could almost hear the pout in her tone. I couldn't have her coming here but I didn't want to hurt her. I needed to handle this carefully._

"_I will always need you mom. But I have everyone here taking care of me. If you came down here there would be nothing for you to do. I know you would rather be with Phil. Hasn't he got a game tomorrow?" I asked._

"_Yes he has but my baby always comes first. Are you sure honey?" I rolled my eyes. How many times do I need to say it?_

"_I'm sure mom. Anyway I'm sure you have some crazy activity you're signing up for? That will keep you occupied." I was looking for anything to use as a distraction. _

"_Ohh honey! I just started this art class. It is so exciting. They have real male models come in for us. He is delicious Bella. I'll tell you, I am lucky I have Phil at home to satisfy me. I'm all hot and bothered once it's finished." Okay, TMI mother._

"_Really mom, I don't want hear about you sexual needs thank you very much. How long have you been doing this art class? Last time I spoke to you wasn't synchronized swimming your newest thing?" I heard her huff over the line._

"_Seriously Bella. It was awful! I didn't realize I had to get my hair wet…" I tuned out after that, just adding the 'ohh's and 'ahh's in all the right places until we hung up fifteen minutes later. _

I was never happier to go back to my peaceful thoughts without my mother badgering in my ear hole. Thankfully, the calls since that have been quite short. She just asks about my day while telling about hers or Phil's latest game. The way she speaks of him normally made me jealous. But not now, I only felt numb.

The phone started ringing again. I wasn't sure how much of the day had gone but I figured I'd better check the phone. It was lucky I did as well considering it was Charlie on the other end. Now, his calls were the worse. He always knew when I was lying and wasn't easily distracted. I dreaded his calls the most. But I still couldn't ignore them.

"Hi dad." I answered quietly.

"Hey Bells, how you doing?" He asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm good thanks. You?" There was a pause on the other end before he answered me.

"I'm worried about you Bells," I didn't need him to expand on what he was saying. I obviously wasn't being as convincing as I thought I had been. My breathing stopped.

"What are you talking about?" I held no emotion in my voice. Inside however, I was crazy. My heart rate had started going up. Every second while waiting for his response seemed like hours. What if he came back? I would be worse. _He _would make it worse. Didn't they get that I needed to be left alone? It was for all our sakes, not just my own. It seemed like decades before he answered.

"Honey, you lived with me throughout most of your teenage years, I think I would know when something is wrong. Every time I call you I hear this brand new emotion in your voice. It isn't happiness or anger, it's nothing. I don't understand it and its killing me inside. I don't know what to do." I could hear his devastation and it hurt. I thought that putting on a mask I was protecting him but I only seemed to be hurting him more. Was everyone feeling like that? And what should I say to make it better? I didn't want to lie to him and that wasn't really working anyway. I had to be honest. A bit anyway.

"I'm sorry dad. I just… I don't know what's happening anymore. I feel like I want to sleep and can't bring myself to do anything. I'm just…tired. I'm tired." I said. The tears had started rolling down my cheeks at this point. That numbing feeling had gone. The tears were back.

"I don't know what to say sweetie. I hate to suggest this but maybe…maybe you should go see someone." He suggested. See someone? It had only been a week, why couldn't he understand I needed time?

"Dad, it's only been a week. I understand your worry but please just give me time. I promise that if it gets worse then I will tell you and you can send me to whoever." I waited for his answer. I hoped he could hear the sincerity in my tone. It was the least I could do for him; he was my father after all.

"Okay, not too long though. And I'm only agreeing because you know I can tell when you're lying. I'll call you in a few days okay?" I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay. Not long, I promise dad." I said.

"I love you honey," he said softly. My eyes welled up again.

"I love you too daddy," I whispered back. I heard him sniff discretely before he said a quick goodbye and hung up. I knew this was hard on him. I wanted to make it easier. The best thing for me to do was what he wanted me to do. Maybe things will get better. I know I needed to put forth some effort but not today. Or tomorrow. Maybe next week.

* * *

Bang

Bang

Bang

I could hear knocking on the door. I didn't register it. It was like background noise to the picture on the screen in front of me. It carried on for a while. Whoever it was didn't seem to be letting up but I couldn't bring myself to care. So I ignored it, hoping they would go away.

* * *

**Sunday**

Another day of doing nothing. I just sat all day staring at another pointless picture on the television screen. I decided to actually eat today, but only two slices of toast. I couldn't seem to fit much in. My stomach either feels full constantly or like I'm going to throw it all back up.

Bang

Bang

Bang

Another day, more knocking. Why don't they just give up? Why do they want to keep pestering me? I didn't even know who it was but they were a nuisance. But I still couldn't bring myself to move. So it continued until there was silence once more.

* * *

**Monday **

I'm even more familiar with my routine now. I don't even remember what I did before all this happened. There had only been one change in the whole thing. I shower. At least once a day. The napping during the day had become a problem for me. They were filled with my nightmares as well as the ones that constantly woke me up early in the morning. They were unavoidable though. I was so tired, I couldn't keep myself awake. So I fell into a sleep that seemed to make me even more tired. They didn't help anymore.

Bang

Bang

Bang

I closed my eyes, wishing for it to stop. I liked my quiet space. I didn't want it disturbed yet. Instead of hoping that they will go away I turned up the TV. The knocking faded to background noise and easily allowed me to ignore it for a while.

**Tuesday**

I decided to stay in bed today. But I didn't sleep. Not anymore. Instead, I looked out of my bedroom window at how normal everything seemed. I saw cars passing and people walking all of them lost in their little worlds with no troubles and no horrors. If only all of us could be so lucky. I watched the sky as the sun moved between the clouds, creating shadows and darkening my room. It made me sad. When it hid, it made me think that everything was dark and not just myself. Made me feel that there is no hope. But there is hope, just not for me. Not at this moment anyway.

Bang

Bang

Bang.

I'm not surprised by the visitor anymore but that doesn't mean I answered the door. It seems like too much work. I had tried hiding and it hadn't worked. I still hadn't stopped receiving the calls and texts from everyone but at least it was my choice to ignore them. So to ignored the constant banging on my door, I pulled my cover over my head and hoped that they got tired enough to leave and didn't come back. If only one could be so lucky.

* * *

**Wednesday **

Back on the sofa today. It was raining so there was no sun to watch. Instead I sat and thought back to the life I had so far. I thought about all the people in Arizona I had to leave when I moved in with Charlie and how I grew out of contact with them. Then I thought about Forks and how I had loved my time there. That was one of the reasons I didn't go far for college, and Jacob as well. What a mistake Jacob turned out to be. But I couldn't help but think _is that the best it got?_ Was anything going to be any better or any worse? Or just any different to what it was before.

Bang

Bang

Bang.

Like every day before, the banging continued. But this time it didn't stop like normal. It went on longer. Whoever it was persisted. Eventually it stopped, like every other day. And then the shouting started and surprised me out of my usual stupor.

"Bella? It's me, Edward. Are you in? I know you probably don't want to talk but I think we should. Please open the door. If you want me to leave after I have seen you then I promise I will go. But I am not leaving until I have seen you with my own eyes. Please Bella, just open the-" I opened the door, interrupting his rant.

I turned away from it and resumed my sitting on the sofa. I may as well hear him out or otherwise he won't leave me alone. I made sure though that the façade was up.

"How are you doing beautiful?" he asked. I completely ignored him. It's a pretty silly question. If I was okay then I wouldn't have ignored him for days.

"No-one has seen you in a while. Everyone misses you. I spoke to Angela the other day. She worried about you. We all are." This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want people to be worried about me. I just wanted to deal with it my own way. No-one can help me.

"Bella, we want to help you. Everyone does, including Alice and Rosalie and the guys." If I wanted their help then I would have asked. They are great people and don't need to stress and worry about me.

"Please Bella, just say something." He was practically begging. I turned to look at him. It was barely a glance but it was more than I had done in days. I didn't know what to say anymore. Normally I would lie again but I was tired of the lies. I was tired of lying to everyone.

"Look, I know this must be hard. I hate seeing you like this. It's killing me inside. I understand what you are going through but –" as soon as he said that I saw red. He does not understand. He wanted me to say something so that was exactly what I was going to do.

"You understand?" I didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "You do not understand! How could you possible understand? You have absolutely no idea of what I'm going though! Have you ever been raped? No! Have you ever had someone force themselves at you like I did? No! Did you have your control taken away from you and left you feeling empty and vulnerable? No! So don't you dare say you understand Edward! Because you don't. No-one understands!" I had never been so angry in my life. I was completely livid. It was a new emotion, the only emotion I had shown in days.

"Bella I didn't mean –" How stupid. If he didn't mean that then does that mean he didn't mean any of that other stuff about being worried about me?

"Yes you did! Get out now. I don't want you in here. Just leave me alone and don't come back." I cut him off again, showing my emotions in my words and tone. He didn't move. He just stood there looking at me. Did he not understand anything that I said?

"Get out!" I screamed. It felt like I cut my throat but I didn't register the hurt. I saw Edward physically flinch at both the words and the volume. It finally made an impact on him because he turned and walked out of my apartment, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone I broke. I fell to the floor sobbing my heart out. The anger had gotten to me. It was too much. It was just like my breakdown with Charlie. How could he understand? He had never been through what I had. It was all words on his part.

But guilt was starting to creep in. Yes, I was angry but I didn't need to jump down his throat like that. Perhaps I could have just explained how I felt. He may have been able to help in other ways and he was willing to do it. I shouldn't have pushed him away when I clearly need help and he is offering.

But now, was too late.

* * *

I heard knocking again the next day. I expected it to be Edward. I thought this could be the perfect time to apologize and possible get help. You could say it was a shock when I opened the door and found the beautiful Rosalie Hale staring back at me. _Why was she here?_

"Hey, can I come in?" she asked softly with a friendly smile on her face. I just stared at her in shock. I couldn't find the words. I couldn't understand why she was here. I had only spoken to her about 3 times in total.

"I brought food," she said hesitantly holding up a bag. I did actually feel slightly hungry so thought eating some Chinese would do me some good. I stood back and let her walk past me. When I turned back to her after closing the door I gestured for her to take a seat. I went to the kitchen and got some cutlery and plates.

I sat next to her on the couch with the food on the coffee table in front of us. She started to unpack the bag and handed me some noodles. I opened it and started to eat the food. I was still wondering why she was here, with food. It seemed like an odd time for just a social call. I wondered if Edward had sent her. I didn't know whether to feel angry or grateful. I guess that depended on her reason for being here.

We ate in silence for a while. Neither of us said anything. I started playing with my food, not so hungry anymore. I noticed Rosalie doing the same. She obviously had something on her mind. When she didn't say anything I grew impatient and broke the silence.

"Why are you here Rosalie?" I wasn't being polite. She had never done anything to me but I wasn't in the mood. Why come to me if you're just going to sit in silence and eat? She looked up at me when I spoke up looking shocked. Why was she shocked? I furrowed my eyebrows and gave her a questioning glance.

"I heard what happened with Edward." I knew it! Edward sent her. If he wanted things to get better then he should have come himself. Even though I did feel my guilt growing inside me again, reminding me that it wasn't all Edwards fault. The majority of it was on my shoulders. I just nodded my head in response, not knowing what to say.

"You know, I was…attacked just after I graduated from school. I was devastated. I was a virgin and wanted to save it for that one person who I loved. But it never happened. And then even worse, I got told that there is a low possibility of getting pregnant without drugs and medication and everything. That hurt the worse."

I was shocked! I didn't know what to say. I was lucky in a way; at least I didn't have any long lasting effects of what happened to me.

"What happened?" I asked quietly. She took a deep breath and looked at me. I could see the tears in her eyes so I knew this wasn't a happy story.

"Like I said, I had just graduated from school. I was getting ready to go to college. There was a boy from school who I always flirted with. His name was Royce. We never dated; it was just a playful thing. Anyway, I went to this party. It was being thrown as like a last hurrah before everyone left for college. I went and Royce was there. We were in the kitchen and he tried to kiss me. I didn't want that so I pushed him away and told him that I didn't want him like that. He wasn't very happy. He grabbed another drink and stormed out.

Later that night I went to the bathroom. There was a queue so I decided to go to another floor which was supposed to be off limits. As I was coming out, I was walking past a bedroom and got pulled in. I saw it was Royce and got worried for a minute. Then I thought 'hey, it's only Royce. He's a good buddy, he won't hurt me.' But he did. He was talking about how much of a tease I was and that I wanted him but wouldn't admit it. And then he took that one thing away from me." She had tears running down her face at the same time as my own. It was surprising to see 'bad-mouthed and hard as hell' Rosalie like this. She never took shit from anyone.

We both seemed to be in our own thoughts for a moment. She understood what I was going through, that was why she was here. When you look at her now, you don't see a broken girl like me. You see a strong, capable girl who lives her life and has control over everything she does. How does she do it?

"Rosalie?" She looked at me in question and I thought over my words. I started twirling a piece of my hair around my fingers. I didn't even know I was doing it.

"How did you...How did you get over it and move on? And I mean everything like trust men again and not be scared to go outside?" She pondered my questioned for a minute or two before she turned her body straight to me and took my hands.

"Bella, I know this is hard for you. It was for me too. But I couldn't let Royce take that control away from me. He took it that one night and I wasn't going to let it continue for the rest of my life. So I took it straight back and went to the police. I don't know what happened to him, I didn't want to either. Every time I heard his name it just brought up memories in me that I wanted to forget. Trusting men again was harder. It took months but finally I started going to this group session where you talk about your story. It's for rape victims.

"Anyway, one of the women who volunteers at the center was a victim. I became good friends with her and she helped me through it. When I met Emmett he scared me." She laughed and I cracked a small smile. "But he didn't give up on me and once I got to know him I saw that he was just a big teddy bear. I know he could never hurt me because he proved himself for me. Also his size scares everyone so it made me feel safe and I knew that he would always be able to protect me from others. You just need to find the right person Bella. Don't shut everyone out. Trust but at you own pace."

The tears where coming harder now and they couldn't seem to stop. Rosalie came closer to me and pulled me to her side. We sat like that for who knows how long. But it helped and made me feel comforted.

"He's really hurt Bella. And really worried. He thinks this whole thing is his fault because he didn't insist on walking you home and then made things worse yesterday. Don't be too hard on him. Let him in. Maybe start with him as your one to trust. But only if you feel comfortable." I couldn't believe he thought it was his fault. I hated that he thought that. My guilt was even more pronounced.

"I don't know where to start Rose. I feel so lost." I whispered.

"I know sweetie. I think you should just try to get back into your normal routine. No more of this lying around all day. You need to start eating and basically functioning. And if you're ready, perhaps try going to your classes. Just know that there are people here for you. We all want and are willing to help, never forget that. And Edward…just give him a call."

When I walked Rose to the door an hour later I gave her a long hug and said my thanks. She had reassured me and given me hope that maybe one day everything would be okay again. She had given me direction and explained to me what I needed to do to get out of this funk. So I sent her on her way promising to give Edward a call and feeling more grateful than ever.

I felt so stupid for pushing everyone in my life away, because I couldn't deny it any longer… I needed help.

* * *

_Sooo...I think people arent enjoying EPOV. I might start changing some of the other chapters to BPOV instead unless it has to be EPOV, atleast until we get into the story a bit more. If you are really opposed to this then let me know and I will continue as I have planned._

_Chapter will become less frequent soon as I only have up to chapter 9 written. I'll let you know how often when the time comes.  
_


	7. The Clock is Ticking

13 January 2011

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18._

_

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

_

~Edward Cullen~

* * *

_She frowned at me looking worried. I was too, but I was hiding it well. I wanted this to be a good idea, one that would help Bella and make things better for all of us._

"_Okay, what's this great idea, oh wise one?" She asked sarcastically._

"_No need for sarcasm." She just rolled her eyes. "Well, I was an idiot and said I understand and we know how much of a mistake that was," she nodded so I knew she was following me. "What if there was someone who did understand her? Someone who could help, possibly tell their story?" I was looking at her pointedly but she didn't seem to get what I was implying._

"_That would be a good idea but who could we ask? We could maybe go to a shelter or something or another group. It may be better to get Bella to go to them actually, that way she wouldn't have to tell her story but can hear others. It will be more that just one as well; there is normally many women that go to them."_

_I just stared at her blankly while I listened to her rambling. What she was saying was a good idea but it wouldn't help at the moment. Bella needed something more personal to begin with._

"_No Rose. That's not what I'm saying. I was thinking maybe you could go and talk to her? Maybe? Perhaps?" As I was talking she started shaking her head._

"_No way Edward. I can't help her. I may have been in her situation before but I don't know how to help another victim."_

"_Come on, that's a load of shit. Of course you can help her. I asked you earlier what I should do for her and you answered without giving it a second thought. If anyone can understand her it is you," I was practically begging at this point. I had even resorted to poking my bottom lip out in an attempt of giving her my pout. She just stared blankly at it before collapsing in hysterics._

_I waited patiently for her to stop and get her breath back. I guess the pout don't work for people like me._

"_Never do that again Edward, it's not a good look for you," I rolled my eyes._

"_I figured that out for myself thanks. Let's get back on track please." I ran my hand through my hair. "I think this will help her Rose. She says no-one understands her but you do. She doesn't think that she can get past this but you did. It will be proof for her and maybe give her the encouragement she needs to help herself." I could see her resolve breaking slowly._

"_This is the only idea we have Rose. Everything else has gone to shit. If you don't do this I will be at a complete loss, at a dead end." I was pleading with my eyes. "Please? Please Rose? I will do anything I swear." She huffed and her posture was defeated, I knew I had her._

"_Fine but you owe me big time buddy," I grinned in triumph and practically assaulted her with affection to show my appreciation. She started giggling in response._

"_I love you Rosie poo. You're the best, did you know that?" I crooned. She giggled in response but rolled her eyes._

"_Of course I am," she laughed._

"_Hey get your hands off my woman brother!" Emmett's booming voice echoed throughout the room. I help my hands up in surrender and winked at Rosalie. She skipped over to Emmett and planted a big kiss on his cheek._

"_There's only you Emmy bear," Emmett's face softened as he looked at her. It made me happy that they were so in love. Out of anyone I knew, they deserved it the most._

_Rosalie turned to look back at me, "I'll go tomorrow Edward." I nodded my head with a smile and turned to leave so they had some privacy. I felt good, there was hope._

Right now, I was pacing by the front door. I had seen Rosalie go just after lunch time. She had been gone hours and I was worrying over what was happening over at Bella's apartment.

I was starting to wonder whether this whole idea was actually a good one or not. I didn't want Bella thinking we were disturbing her life and being nosy. I definitely didn't want her thinking we were trying to change it.

One minute I was thinking that I was digging myself a bigger hole with Bella and making things worse for everyone including myself and then the next minute I told myself that I was an idiot for even thinking this was a mistake. It wasn't as if we were forcing Bella into anything against her own will. But even if it was a mistake, it was the only option we had at this time. It could go either way now. Bella would either completely shut us out and do things her own way or she will come to us and accept help from everyone that was offering it. I was hoping for the latter.

"Dude, you need to calm down," Emmett said from the living room. Both Emmett and Jasper were playing X-box while watching me pace from the corner of their eyes. I knew I was annoying them but I couldn't help it.

"I can't, I'm so fucking nervous I need to keep moving." I growled and carried on my pacing.

"He's right Edward. Doing all this pacing isn't going to make Rosalie come back quicker. You're making me nervous, man. And you're going to lose all your hair if you keep doing that." Jasper said pointing to my hand. It was in my hair again, I hadn't even realized I had been doing it. I automatically did it when I got nervous. And if I was affecting Jasper like he said then I must be worse than I thought. Jasper was the calmest and most level-headed person I knew.

"Sorry," I said and took a seat watching them play.

I sat there watching them play with my knee bouncing in agitation until Rose walked through the door. As soon as she did, I jumped out of my seat and practically sprinted over to her.

"Calm down, boy. Give me some breathing room." She said. I took the smallest step back.

"He's been like this all afternoon, since you have been gone." Emmett stated not taking his eyes off of the screen. I rolled my eyes. _I had been doing a lot of that recently. _I couldn't blame them really. It was true.

"How was she today? Did you tell her your story? How did she take it? What is she going to do now?" Rosalie cut me off but holding up her hands.

"One question at a time please. She was exactly how you explained her to me but I got her to eat something, she's lost to much weight. Yes I told her the story and she took it surprisingly well, obviously there was some tears shed." Even though it was probably unavoidable, I wanted to be there to hold Bella and wipe away the tears. "I don't know what's going to happen now. I could tell she felt guilty about what happened between you both and she told me that she was going to phone you so expect a call."

My heart soared once more. That was definitely a positive sign that things were getting better. I knew things weren't going to be easy but at least I had a chance to help her now. Somehow I felt lighter. I think it was because I didn't have to sit on the sidelines anymore. I only had to wait for her call and then hopefully, all other waiting would be gone.

Rosalie was watching me carefully. "Why do you care so much? You don't even know her that well. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great you do but I'm curious as to why. I know you like her but your taking this above and beyond." _Uh oh. _She was watching me like a hawk so I knew I had to resemble an answer quick without raising even more suspicion.

"I honestly don't know Rose, maybe after seeing what you and Emmett went through made a bigger impact on me than I thought." She looked me over once while I was praying she would take my answer.

"Uh huh." She said not believing a word I said. She didn't push it though, thank god, and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief behind her back. She turned back to me and I thought she decided she wasn't finished yet.

"Don't mess up again Cullen." And then she was gone. I allowed myself to relax and my body practically collapsed on the seat.

* * *

Even though I didn't have any classes today, I had to be at work at 4. It was a short shift but I still would rather be at home waiting for Bella's call. But instead I dragged myself to the hospital and got on with it. I had my phone on me all through my shift and I was constantly checking it for missed calls or a text. But none came.

Rosalie hadn't mention what time or even day that Bella was going to call. It may not have been definite. Rose may have misinterpreted what she said and she wouldn't be calling at all. I couldn't help but be disappointed and upset at the fact she didn't get in touch with me. I had really hoped this afternoon we had made some kind of breakthrough.

During my break, I managed a quick call to Angela while drinking my coffee. I explained to her what had happened between Bella and I before telling her about Rosalie's visit today. I hadn't spoken to her for a couple of days so she had no idea about any of it, including the favour I had Rosalie do for me. To say she was disappointed about what I had done was an understatement but I seemed to get back in her good books with my idea. She was confident that Bella was going to call me which made me feel better when I hung up the phone.

I worked through my shift doing what I had to do. I really didn't need to be there but it was some extra cash that saved me from dipping into my trust fund. It also passed time. I was easier to be here waiting with something to occupy my mind rather than sitting at home constantly thinking about whether I was getting my call or not.

I finished my shift and couldn't wait to get home. I was tired and defeated and needed a hot shower.

"Hey Eddie," a voice purred. My head whipped in the direction of the voice and I saw Tanya, one of the nurses.

"Tanya." I nodded in greeting and turned to walk away, hiding my disgust before she could see it. Before getting to far, however, she placed her hand on my forearm to stop me. I wiped my face clean of emotion before looking at her again with my eyebrows raised.

"Can I help you? I kind of have somewhere to be." I said, my voice not unfriendly.

"Somewhere that's more important than me? Surely not." She scoffed, shaking the head of fake strawberry blonde hair.

"Actually, I do. I really have to go." I turned to walk away.

"That's okay, I'll let you make it up to me later." I stopped in my paces and turned back to her.

"Umm, I really don't think that's a good idea, Tanya." I told her.

"Silly Eddie. Of course it is, how's Friday at 8? Pick me up?"

_Shit, how do I get myself out of this?_

At that moment my phones ringing brought me back to the present. I raised my head in a silent thank you to the God's and to who-ever was getting me out of this situation.

I quickly turned back to Tanya with hopefully a sincere apology on my face.

"I'm sorry Tanya, I have to take this. Speak to you soon," I rushed out of the doors without giving her an answer to her question or waiting for a reply.

I looked at my screen and the name flashing before me stopped me in my tracks. _Bella._ Hope flared up inside of me.

"Hello?" I said trying to calm my excitement. There was silence on the other end which deflated my hope a little.

"Bella, are you there?" There was another moment of silence before I heard her.

"Hi," she said softly.

"How are you doing?" I asked, equally as quietly.

"I'm…getting there, I guess." There is another moment of awkward silence before either one of us said anything.

"Look, I just wanted to-"she started just as I began.

"Bella, I really wanted to apolo-" We both chuckled. "Ladies first," I offered.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know you were just trying to help and I shoved it back in your face. I am too stubborn for my own good but I can't help it. Do you accept my apology?" She finished quietly.

"Beautiful, there's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong, I was completely out of line and you had every reason to react how you did. I am the one who should be sorry. So no, I don't accept your apology."

"Edward, please…" she trailed of sounding exasperated. "Just accept it." She sounded so sad and broken that I couldn't refuse her.

"Okay, apology accepted," I resigned.

"Thanks," she whispered.

I didn't know what to say to her. It was uncomfortable and awkward. I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her. I wanted to know how she was doing. I wanted to know if what Rosalie said was true. I wanted to make things better for her and get back to how we were before this whole incident. I wanted all of these things but was worried about saying the wrong thing.

"So…"

"So…"

"How have you been sleeping?" I asked.

"To be honest, I really don't know. I keep having nightmares so they keep me awake a lot but I've been taking a lot of naps during the day." She explained.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could help." I told her sincerely.

There was a pause before she answered me. "You already are." At her words my heart soared again and didn't feel so helpless.

"Edward, I was wondering…you can say no but can I ask you a favour? You don't have to do it if you don't want. I won't be bothered because I know how much you have helped me already and it must-"

"Bella, stop. What can I do?"

"Would you…erm… talk about yourself…like that night at the hospital? It helped calm and relax me. Like I said, you don't have to." She stopped rambling to hold her breath for my answer. _Did she honestly think I would say no?_

"Of course Bella. Just let me think first," I chuckled softly. I heard her sigh of relief at the other end. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot trying to think of a good enough story. My life wasn't all that interesting so I decided to settle on my favorite birthday.

"Okay, I have one. On our family vacation one year we went to Florida. We did all of the parks like Sea World and Animal Kingdom. While we were there it was my eleventh birthday and that day we went to Magic Kingdom. When we first got to the park my Auntie Di brought me a badge so everyone knew it was my birthday. I got to speak on the phone with Goofy and I loved it. Most boys my age would think that would be really sad but not me. I was a little nerd up until a few years ago," I heard her giggle in response and the sound warmed my heart.

"All day I had people wishing me happy birthday. My autograph book is filled with birthday messages. I had Donald Duck dance in a circle while one of the park workers sang to me. But the best or worst part was when everyone gave me a round of applause. I was standing on my own with everyone watching and clapping me just because of my birthday. It was both the best and most embarrassing day of my life. It was my favorite birthday so far and I wouldn't go back and change any of it." I finished.

"Sounds like the perfect day," she spoke so quietly that I almost didn't hear her.

"It was," I mumbled in return. We fell into silence again but this time it was uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome, Beautiful." I heard her sniffle and I hated it. "Sweetie, please don't cry. I didn't want to upset you." I automatically frowned at the noise.

"You didn't Edward; I'm just overwhelmed with emotions right now. It's getting late, I need to go. Bye Edward." My feelings were conflicted. I wanted to go and see her but knew she needed to be alone right now. I would give her space.

"Okay, Bella. If you ever need me, just call. I don't care if it's 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning, I always have time for you." I heard her whisper her thanks before I heard the dial tone indicating she had hung up.

We may not have come far but I knew things were going to be better. This was just the beginning.

* * *

_Thanks to those who review. I may start doing weekly updates now. I only have a couple more chapters written. However, those chapters may come up quicker depending on reviews._


	8. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

_19 January 2011_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters_

_Warning: This story contains slight description of rape. Rated M for a reason. Also contains lemons and language. Please do not read if under the age of 18.

* * *

_

_Chapter Eight

* * *

_

~Bella Swan~

* * *

My head felt groggy. I could feel my eyes struggling to open due to lack of moisture. I could feel the heat of the sun shining through the window as it was beating down on my awaking body. For a brief moment I felt numb. That was until I recalled my conversation with Rosalie. _So it wasn't just a dream?_

There were multiple reasons to prove that point. The first – it wasn't a nightmare like I had been experiencing these past few days that had awoken me up. I'll be the first to admit that Rosalie's story was no fairy tale or a walk in the park to hear, but I would gladly take that over the nightmares any day. Second – there was something inside of me that I couldn't place right away. It was a mixture of longing and hurt with confusion added to it. That coupled with a slight bit of optimism made me realise I had awoken feeling slightly hopeful. And thirdly – I could hear the birds singing outside along with the beeping of early morning traffic and busy pedestrians making their way into the office. That was definitely different to the previous buzzing I heard every moment of every day for the past week. It was like I had come to a new understanding overnight and now had a whole new prospective on life.

In a way that was kind of what happened. Rosalie's experience had opened my eyes to what my future may hold. She had a great life – someone she loves and loves her back, her dream job and a wonderful family – and hearing about her whole healing process made me realize that maybe I could eventually be in the same position, which she readily pointed out. We both knew there was a long road ahead for me, but at least now I could see the destination in mind. All hope was not failed.

I wanted a normal life. _My _normal life, and to get that back I had to start acting how I did before this whole nightmare began.

With that thought I glanced at the clock noting that it was past 9.30. It felt good that I had slept through the whole night without one nightmare. I hoped there were many nights like that in the future.

The first step to normalcy was getting ready for the day. I took a long, overdue shower and picked out some comfy clothes. It wasn't as if I would be wondering outside today so I wasn't bothered by what I was wearing. I may be ready to go back to normal life but I couldn't do it all at once, I had to start with baby steps and a pace that suited me.

I walked in to the kitchen in search of food. I didn't want to eat but I knew I needed too. The sight that met me when I looked in the mirror was not Bella Swan. I looked ill. You could practically see my bones. As expected there was no food. I hadn't been shopping in a while and what I did have stocked I didn't fancy eating. It all seemed unappetizing.

I had to eat something so settled for a bowl of dried cereal. Like I said, very unappetizing. I forced the majority of it down before starting the cleaning; it was shocking the amount of dust that was collected over a week.

The rest of the morning I got my apartment back in order. I returned messages that had been left on my voicemail, paid bills and washed a couple of loads of laundry. I even managed to get some studying done. I had only missed a week of classes so I would be okay to catch up when I decided to return to school.

I managed some time to relax a little. I sat on my favourite chair in the living room. My grandfather left it to me when he passed 3 years ago. Most of my childhood memories involve him sitting in this chair with me perched on his lap while he read to me.

He was the one who got me to love reading so much. There was many times when we would have conversations for hours at a time about the latest books we were reading. He was also the one to introduce me to my love of the classics. For my high school graduation, instead of a trip to Europe or a brand new car, he brought me the first edition of Pride and Prejudice. It was the best present I could have ever had asked for. I hated that he spent so much money but I knew there was no point in arguing with Grampy. Both grandparents came from old money so it was never an issue. It was the last present he ever gave me, and that made me treasure it even more.

His death also explained the sizable trust fund that I had sitting in the bank. You could say it was quite a shock when I was told about the fund on my 21st birthday. Along with it was a letter. In the letter my Grampy described how he wanted me to use the money for something that was important to me. I decide when I chose my major that I would combine both of our loves for books and open a book shop with the fund. That led me to majoring in business with a minor in literature. I was making the best out of both worlds.

I had always been close to both my grandparents but when Grampy died, Grammy Swan became my new best friend and confidant. Her opinion meant the most to me and I always went out of my way to get it. She always had confidence in me. She never questioned my decisions whether she agreed with them or not. But whenever something went downhill she was always there to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on. She was the only person who hadn't bothered me this past week and I was grateful. I never would have been able to talk to her without breaking down completely. I decided then and there that I would give her a call once things were relatively normal.

The knocking at my front door brought me out of my thoughts. I wasn't expecting anyone so I wondered who it could be. These days, however, whether I was expecting visitors or not I still got them.

I swung the door open and the sight before me didn't surprise me.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked with a smile. _I was feeling better already._

"Hey…uh… I figured you need some necessities." He raised his arms to show the grocery bags he was holding with a shy smile on his face. It surprised me that a man who looked like a god could still be an awkward, stumbling boy. I smiled in response and stood out the way to let him through.

"You better come in then."

He walked straight to the kitchen and placed the bags down. I followed him and curiously noted a book he was holding under his arm. It looked like an album of sorts.

"Thank you, you didn't need to do this," I said.

"It's fine and I figured you wouldn't be feeling up to going out on your own at the moment." He froze when the words left his mouth and started to cover them up instantly. "Shit…I didn't mean that. I don't mean to tell you how you're feeling or tell you what to feel. I know that's not possible. But if it was me then I think maybe I would feel like that. Obviously I'm not in that position so I have no idea what I'm talking about so I'm just going to stop talking now. Sorry." He stopped his rambling and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Edward, it's fine. I didn't even think that in the first place," I felt guilty again about how I had spoken to him before. I knew we both had apologized but things were still awkward. "I really am sorry about what I said to you. I was…confused and angry. I bottled everything up for too long and as soon as someone said the wrong thing I lost it. You were just unlucky enough to be on the other side of my wrath." I dropped my eyes to the table feeling ashamed.

"Hey, I meant what I said last night. There's nothing to be sorry about but I accept it anyway. How about we both just forget everything over the past few days a go back to coffee shop Bella and Edward?" He grinned crookedly awaiting a response.

I grinned in response and nodded my head in agreement.

"Awesome, now how about we put all this away and I fix you up the most famous, delicious, out of this world mac and cheese made by yours truly?" He winked cheekily.

I raised my eyebrows, "You're playing with the fine line between cocky and confidence Mr Cullen."

"Confident, Miss Swan, confident. And I have every right to be," he replied while putting the groceries away.

"I think you may need to prove that to me, I'm not sure I believe you," I joked.

"Ohh, after your first bite, I will have you eating your words as well as my mac and cheese." he chuckled.

* * *

A while later we were both sitting at the kitchen counter eating the food Edward had prepared. Just like he said it was delicious. But I couldn't make myself eat it, I wasn't hungry. I knew Edward was worried, I could see the concern in his eyes. He had nothing to worry about; it wasn't as if I was purposely not eating.

"So, how's everyone doing? I didn't really get the chance to talk to anyone the other day." I asked Edward. I was generally curious. Even though I had only met Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper a couple of times we had instantly bonded. We weren't the best of friends but I would like to get to know them more. Maybe they could be part of my recovery. Isn't having people that care about you by your side a good thing?

"They're good, I think. I haven't really spoken to them a lot. I've had a lot going on with classes and work and everything." He replied.

" I hope I see them soon, there good people." I stated.

Edward looked at me, smiling softly, "Your friends are good people too you know."

My eyes darted away from his before I mumbled a response. "I know, I'm just not ready. I wont leave then too long though." He just nodded his head and smiled in encouragement.

While Edward finished his food I just picked at mine. I didn't want to be rude but I really wasn't hungry, no matter how good it was.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

"Oh yeah I'm fine." I smiled as convincingly as I could. Edward didn't look fooled.

"Well, with the way you are picking at that plate I guess you don't think my cooking skills are as good as I thought. I think that's a blow to my ego." He chuckled lightly trying to make a joke but I could see the concern shining through.

"No, it's delicious, honestly. It's the best I've had actually. I'm just not in the mood for it."

"Do you want something else? I don't mind making something." He asked.

"It's not this; I'm just not in the mood for food in general." I chuckled lightly. He stared at me for a moment with a frown placed on his face.

"Okay, but will you promise to tell me if things get worse?" He asked.

"I'm not a child Edward. I don't need to tell you when I am and aren't eating. I'm just not hungry, I'm not ill."

"I didn't mean it like that. Bella, I can count the amount of bites you have taken on both hands. It will just make me feel better and worry less about you. I want to help and this is the only way I know how." He was pleading and I could see how much it meant to him for me to do this. I couldn't say no.

I huffed, "Fine, but I still think you're overreacting."

He smiled softly, "Thank you." He didn't need to thank me but it did annoy me he was treating me like a child. That may not be his intention but that's how I felt. I would eat and show him I was fine. It wasn't as if I was starving myself. It was only my first day of trying to get better. I needed to take baby steps.

We both got up and started cleaning. I insisted he didn't need to but he offered to help. We stood side by side in comfortable silence while I washed and he dried. We didn't talk; there was no need for it. We were both the same like that; we didn't need to fill a moment of silence with endless chatter.

It felt nice to just be able to hang out with someone other than myself for once. I didn't want to get stuck in a rut. I knew that to avoid that I had to get of my apartment eventually but I had to pluck up the courage first. Maybe it would happen as a group event like going to the movies or to a restaurant. Either one, I think it would make me more comfortable and take my mind of things.

I started wiping the counter down where Edward's album had been placed. I felt my curiosity begin to grow again. He hadn't mentioned it and I wondered if he had just forgotten about it or if I was supposed to ask about it.

"What's this Edward?" I pointed at the album.

"Oh yeah," he said realizing it was there. "This is an album, I brought it in case you needed cheering up but you seemed to be in good spirits." I nodded in response still looking at it intently.

"Can I…?" I asked indicating that I wanted a closer look.

"Sure." I made my way around the counter and picked it up carefully.

I studied the cover before opening it. It seemed delicate but not old. It was maroon leather that had a string around to keep it in place. At the top in gold printed writing the initials 'E.A.M.C' were written. The whole album was beautiful.

"What does 'E.A.M.C' mean?" I asked curiously, running my hand over the writing.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," he replied. I smiled at him and turned my attention back to the book. I opened it up and started flicking through the pages. I didn't concentrate on an individual photo; I just took a quick glance at each of them.

As I searched through the pages, I noticed they were in chronological order. The beginning pages started when Edward was just a newborn and still in hospital. The further you got to the end of the album the older Edward got. It showed Edward growing up through the years. Some of the photos were just him on his own while others included his friends and family. The majority were with Carlisle and a beautiful woman. She was basically a female version of Edward so I assumed it was Esme. Others were with Emmett and Alice, some even with Jasper and Rosalie. There was an odd one or two which included him with complete strangers. I could only assume they were other relatives and friends.

Some of the photos looked entertaining and like they had great stories behind them. Isn't that why we have photos like this, to document a particular moment in time? I couldn't believe how beautiful he was in all of them, even his slightly awkward teenage years.

I looked at him as he finished putting the last of the dishes away. Even when he wasn't trying he was still stunning. Someone like he could never want someone like me. maybe before the but not now. Not now that I was screwed up and worthless.

Even though I was in no state of mind to have these thoughts running through my head, I couldn't stop them from flowing. Each and every one of them helped break my heart piece by piece.

* * *

That night I got into bed feeling like I had made a good start to being normal. But I was scared. I didn't know what the next step was and I wondered whether I was ready to take it. To be honest, I wanted to be out of this apartment but I couldn't be brave enough to drag myself away from the safety of my own home. I needed some motivation or someone to pull me out. I felt too vulnerable to go out in the public like that, especially on my own. I came to the conclusion that I would go with someone and take one step at a time. I would start by going to small places and then venture out from there.

I felt my eyelids dropping from exhaustion. I was surprised I had made it this long without dropping dead at my feet. I had moved today rather than sit on my ass and done jack shit, I could feel the effects warring on me. As my vision started to blur around the edges and my breathing started to even out one last thought entered my head. _Let's hope for a dreamless night.

* * *

_

I shot up in my bed. That nightmare was worse than the others. I couldn't breathe. It was coming out in short gasps and I couldn't seem to control it. It was the same nightmare but a lot more intense. He spoke this time. It was a gruff voice that I didn't recognise. I knew for a fact that I hadn't heard it before. That was what worried me the most. It kept telling me how stuck I was. He provoked me by telling me no one wanted me and I was just a pain. It was trying to break me. And it was doing a good job of it. I was panicking and couldn't calm myself down. Tears were pouring down my face and I was trying to hold in the sobs. I turned the light on.

Both the darkness and silence was giving my shivers despite the sweat running down my forehead. I heard creaking coming from the other side of my bedroom door. I knew no one was there but the fear inside of me was saying that that didn't matter. The clock said 2.43 am. At least I had slept for a little while. My hands were shaking as I fumbled to get my phone. I instantly pulled up his number and called without hesitation. I would think of the consequences tomorrow.

"Hello?" I heard his groggy voice on the other end and it relaxed me slightly. I couldn't control the sobs that flowed through my body. The voice just kept running through my head.

"Edward," I sobbed. That was the most I could say.

"Bella, what is it? What happened?" I couldn't answer him.

"Beautiful, please calm down. I can't understand what you are saying." His voice sounded so tortured and I hated making him feel this way.

"Okay, how about a story? Did you know Emmett use to do gymnastics? It was kind of odd seeing such a big bloke doing the splits and wearing leotards but it was hilarious." It wasn't working. Telling me about Emmett just reminded me of the nightmare when the shadow turned into him. All I could see was them cold gray eyes piercing through me.

"No, no, no!" I sobbed.

"Okay, okay. It's okay. Umm… what else? Bella lay down for me, Beautiful. Get comfortable and put your phone on loudspeaker. Can you do that for me?" he crooned.

"Yes," I whispered. I got into position like he told me to and place my phone next to me on the bed.

"Now, close your eyes and imagine you're somewhere peaceful and relaxing, maybe a beach or a meadow. Take a couple of deep breaths for me, Beautiful, that's it." I could hear him taking the breaths with me over the phone. I had started to calm down.

"Close your eyes and relax, as if you're going to sleep." I did what he said and tried to relax my body. He started to hum a tune I was unfamiliar with but instantly calmed me further. It was a beautiful sound that lulled me to unconsciousness. I had to remember to ask what it was later.

The humming stopped and I heard a sigh and soft whisper.

"Good night baby."

_Definitely dreaming.

* * *

_

_Thank you to all who review, they mean more than words can say.  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Hi,

I have been a total failure with updating all my stories and I sincerely apologise. I could not get into the frame of mind to write and to be honest; I didn't know what to write.

Right now I have a brief outline of what I want to happen but I plan on writing a couple of chapters beforehand before the next chapter comes up. This is to avoid having no update in this long again. Again, I'm sorry.

But I also need some help. I have been doing lots of research for upcoming chapters; however, I am finding it difficult to get the information I need. It doesn't help that I live in the UK and everything is different over here. Therefore, if you know any information about the following subjects, please PM me. I promise that every detail could help. –

**Insurance payouts if a police officer is shot/killed in the line of duty.

**Publishing a book and a book tour.

**Any doctors of nurses who are readers and could help with future chapters.

These things are not spoilers, they may not be in the story.

I know it's a lot to ask but I am trying to make this story as accurate as possible. Please do not leave reviews as this will be replace with the next chapter.

I'm sorry again and I appreciate all those who are still with me and who can help.

Toni-Marie x


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